Lyrics
When the postman don't call on Valentine's day
Not receiving attention or affection from the postman on Valentine's Day.
And Santa Claus don't come on a Christmas Day
Santa Claus not bringing joy on Christmas Day.
That umbrella won't work on a rainy day
An ineffective umbrella on a rainy day.
Don't ask me, I already know
The speaker already knows the answers to these situations.
When they find you beached on the barrier reef
Finding oneself stranded on the barrier reef with limited pleasures.
And the only pleasure treasured is in map relief
The only satisfaction comes from looking at a map for relief.
The choice is yours, sure, saint or thief
A choice between being a saint or a thief is presented.
Don't ask me I already know
The speaker reiterates their prior knowledge.
When they baked your cake in little slices,
Life experiences are fragmented like a cake sliced into little pieces.
Kept your eyes on rising prices,
A focus on economic concerns, keeping an eye on rising prices.
Wound up winning booby prizes;
Ending up with undesirable outcomes, akin to winning booby prizes.
I'm sure you'd like to think you know what life is
The speaker challenges the listener's understanding of life.
Find destiny through magazines
Seeking destiny through superficial sources like magazines.
Liplicking, unzipping
Sensual and provocative imagery involving lip-licking and unzipping.
Harpers and Queens
Referencing high-end magazines, Harpers and Queens.
From here to eternity,
An aspiration for a continuous, uninterrupted existence.
Without in-betweens,
Desiring a life without intermediate stages.
Don't ask me, I already know
The speaker emphasizes their prior knowledge once again.
With your heart on parade and your heart on parole
Having one's emotions on display and being emotionally liberated.
I hope you find a sucker to buy that mink stole
Hoping someone falls for a deceptive charm, represented by a mink stole.
School for scandal,
A reference to a scandalous environment, questioning the listener's involvement.
Guess who's enrolled?
The listener is subtly hinted at being enrolled in the school for scandal.
So ask me, I already know
The speaker invites the listener to ask questions, reinforcing their knowledge.
When they find you beached on the barrier reef
Reiteration of finding oneself stranded on the barrier reef.
When the postman don't call on Valentine's Day
Repeating the idea of not receiving attention from the postman on Valentine's Day.
When the only pleasure treasured is in map relief
Reiterating the limited pleasure found in map relief.
When you don't tell the truth, that's the price you pay
The consequence of not telling the truth is acknowledged.
When I'm shaking a hand, I'm clenching a fist
A juxtaposition of appearing friendly while concealing a hostile intent.
If you gave me a pound for the moments I missed
If compensated for missed opportunities, the speaker would be wealthy.
And I got dancing lessons for all the lips I shoulda kissed
Expressing regret for not seizing romantic opportunities and learning to dance.
I'd be a millionaire
An imaginative scenario where the speaker would be rich.
I'd be a Fred Astaire
A reference to Fred Astaire, known for his dancing skills, emphasizing the wealth metaphor.
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