Party Trick
Echoes of Loneliness: Abdullah Siddiqui's Party Trick Reveals the Silent Scream
Lyrics
Conversations
Feeling disconnected in conversations
I've not ever been in their equation
Excluded from others' plans or considerations
They tell me artists need to be alone
Advice that artists thrive in solitude
So I'll just turn off my phone
Choosing isolation by turning off phone
We'll say it's for my sake, the fabrication
Fabricating reasons for isolation
I'm a party trick
Seeing oneself as a novelty or amusement
House of cards, discarded quick
Comparing self to a fragile structure, easily discarded
Cleaning up the glasses when they're gone
Cleaning up aftermath when people leave
Deadens when it's dawn, can't go on
Feeling numb at dawn, unable to continue
How loud
Repetition of questioning loudness, seeking attention
How loud
-How loud do I have to be
Desire to be noticed or acknowledged
For you
Yearning for remembrance by someone special
For you to not forget me
-For you
-For you to not forget me
-Night and raining
Setting: Night and rain, reflecting inner emotions
Pretend I'm happiest when I'm forsaken
Pretending happiness in abandonment
Driving past the people in their words
Driving past others' judgmental words
Tell myself it doesn't hurt
Denying emotional pain
They're wherever I'm not
Avoidance of places with people
Isolation
Embracing isolation as a coping mechanism
I'm just good for kicks
Seeing oneself as only good for providing entertainment
Made of glass, I'll shatter quick
Comparing self to fragile glass, prone to breaking
Counting all the missteps when they're gone
Reflecting on mistakes when alone
Quiet, never calm
Quietness masking inner turmoil
Can't go on
-And on and on
Endless cycle of emotional struggle
How loud
Repetition of seeking attention through loudness
How loud
-How loud do I have to be
Desperation for acknowledgment
For you
Repeating desire for lasting remembrance
For you to not forget me
-For you
-For you to not forget me
-Forget me
Expressing the fear of being forgotten
Forget me
-For you to not regret me
Desire for the person not to regret knowing them
I wanna see you cry for me
Wishing to evoke emotional response from someone
I let myself believe you want me
Believing in a false sense of reciprocated feelings
I'll be your remedy
Offering oneself as a solution to someone's pain
Or pain if that's what you need
Willing to be either a remedy or source of pain
I wanna see you cry for me
Seeking emotional expression from the other person
Just give me a sign that you hear me
Yearning for a sign of acknowledgment
Just be here with me
Simply desiring the presence of the other person
Just be here with me
Reiterating the desire for companionship
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