So Much
Navigating Self-Doubt: Alanna Matty's 'So Much' Journey
Lyrics
Hold my tongue and keep my mouth shut
Expressing the desire to remain silent and withhold thoughts or words.
Don't know why but it's a habit I've formed
Acknowledging a habitual tendency without understanding its origin.
You're the only one I speak to
Highlighting a special connection with someone as the primary confidant.
The only one who can see me through my hurts
Emphasizing the uniqueness of the person in understanding and comforting during difficult times.
Yet it feels like it's too much
Expressing a feeling of overwhelm or burden in the relationship.
Like you're bound to get annoyed with mental health
Suggesting concern that issues related to mental health may strain the relationship.
Head in the clouds, feet on the ground
Describing a state of being both dreamy and grounded.
I'm losing myself
Indicating a sense of losing one's identity or sense of self.
You are my anchor, you are the wind inside my sails
Metaphorically portraying the person as both an anchor and a source of inspiration and guidance.
And I worry if I'm always so much
Expressing anxiety about being too much for the partner.
How long til you feel like not enough
Raising concern about the potential perception of inadequacy by the partner.
And my friends well it's true they can't help me
Indicating a lack of assistance from friends in times of need.
Cuz when I'm not who they thought that I should be
Conveying the difficulty of meeting others' expectations and the resulting internal conflict.
Well I feel bad
Expressing a sense of guilt or remorse when not meeting expectations.
And I have with every friend I've ever had
Acknowledging a recurring pattern of feeling guilty in friendships.
And my parents I know that they love me
Acknowledging parental love but hinting at the challenge of being oneself.
And all they want is to hold and support me
Highlighting the parental desire for support but expressing a feeling of being misunderstood.
But it feels like
Expressing the emotional distance despite the love and support from parents.
They don't like it when I don't smile
Sensing disapproval when not displaying a happy demeanor.
And they haven't seen me happy in a while
Noting a prolonged absence of happiness observed by family.
Head in the clouds, feet on the ground
Reiterating the conflict between a dreamy state and the harsh reality.
I'm losing myself
Repeating the theme of losing oneself in the midst of internal struggles.
You are my anchor, you are the wind inside my sails
Recalling the metaphor of the person being both an anchor and a source of inspiration.
And I worry if I'm always so much
Expressing ongoing worry about overwhelming the partner.
How long til you feel like not enough
Reflecting on the fear of becoming insufficient in the eyes of the partner.
And all the words that I don't write
Noting the impact of unspoken words on mental well-being.
Keep my head spinning in the night
Describing the mental turmoil caused by unexpressed thoughts.
I'm well aware that it's gonna be alright
Acknowledging an awareness that things will eventually improve.
But I still worry
Expressing persistent concerns despite the rational understanding of eventual improvement.
Head in the clouds, feet on the ground
Reiterating the theme of losing oneself in internal struggles.
I'm losing myself
Repeating the metaphor of being lost while having a dreamy perspective.
You are my anchor, you are the wind inside my sails
Recalling the dual role of the person as an anchor and a source of inspiration.
And I worry if I'm always so much
Echoing the persistent worry about being too much for the partner.
How long til you feel like not enough
Expressing concern about reaching a point where the person may not be enough for the partner.
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