the house i grew up in
Elegy of Home: Ash The Ghost's Haunting Reflections
Lyrics
I died in the house I grew up in
The speaker metaphorically expresses a personal transformation or loss of innocence, stating that they "died" in their childhood home.
Laughter stuck in the plaster of those white walls
The memories of laughter are embedded in the walls, suggesting a sense of nostalgia and the lasting impact of joyful moments.
Every inch I grew chiseled into the frame around the door
The speaker describes physical growth, with each inch marked on the door frame, emphasizing the connection between growth and the home.
They tore it down
The house is demolished, symbolizing a significant change or loss in the speaker's life.
So now
The aftermath of the house's destruction is acknowledged, marking a point of no further personal growth or development.
I don't grow
The speaker expresses a sense of stagnation or arrested development, stating that they no longer grow.
No, I don't grow anymore
Reiterating the idea of a halted growth process, emphasizing the speaker's current state of stasis.
My body lies facing the sky in the backyard
The speaker describes their lifeless body lying in the backyard, emphasizing a connection between death and the home.
Every bone in the overgrown web of weeds
Bones entangled in overgrown weeds, portraying the decay and abandonment of the speaker's physical form.
There's a name I knew that's carved into an ancient evergreen
A name carved into a tree suggests a connection to the past, possibly representing a lost identity or relationship.
There was a time it once was mine
Reflecting on a time when the name held personal significance, indicating a shift from ownership to detachment.
Now it's all
Alluding to the idea that the past defines the speaker's current existence and identity.
It's all that I'll ever be
The past is all that remains, emphasizing the enduring impact of childhood experiences on the speaker.
I swear the lights were on
The speaker recalls a time when the house was lively and occupied, highlighting a sense of nostalgia for the past.
And the bed was unmade
The mention of lights, an unmade bed, and scattered toys paints a vivid picture of the speaker's childhood surroundings.
And the toys were all strewn on the rug in the room
A glimpse into the room where the speaker used to play, underscoring the contrast between past and present.
Where I used to play
Reminiscing about a time when the speaker was alive and carefree, emphasizing the loss of vitality in the present.
I was alive back then
Expressing a longing for the vibrant and animated self from the past, contrasting with the speaker's current struggle to breathe.
Not just trying to breathe
The speaker acknowledges a transformation, from being alive in the past to a struggle for survival in the present.
Now I'm tied to the past
The speaker feels anchored to the past, unable to move forward, and experiences a sense of paralysis.
And I'm paralyzed forced to watch everyone leave
Forced to witness the departure of everyone, highlighting a sense of isolation and helplessness.
Nobody knows that she's cold and alone
An unidentified female figure is described as cold and alone, further emphasizing the theme of isolation and detachment.
Stuck in sepia tone memories
The memories are depicted in sepia tone, symbolizing a nostalgic view of the past and a longing for what once was.
Set the rubble on fire
Suggesting a symbolic act of closure or purification by setting the rubble on fire, turning it into a funeral pyre.
As a funeral pyre
The destruction of the past is framed as a funeral pyre, symbolizing a ritualistic farewell to the speaker's former self.
For the little kid I used to be
The speaker mourns the loss of the innocence and joy associated with their childhood self.
Nobody knows that she's cold and alone
Repetition of the earlier sentiment, reinforcing the theme of a lonely figure trapped in memories and a burning past.
Stuck in sepia tone memories
Continuation of the sepia tone memories, underscoring the persistent and haunting nature of the past.
Set the rubble on fire
Reiteration of the symbolic act of setting the rubble on fire as a funeral pyre, emphasizing the finality of the transformation.
As a funeral pyre
Reflecting on the speaker's past self, consumed by the flames of change and transformation.
For the little kid I used to be
The speaker mourns the loss of the child they used to be, emphasizing the profound impact of time and change on personal identity.
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