Not Okay
Unveiling Pain: Austin Markham's Journey Through Forgiveness
Lyrics
Hey son how you doing
Expressing concern for the well-being of the addressed person.
How's your mama
Inquiring about the addressed person's mother.
How's your brother holding on
Asking about the well-being of the addressed person's brother.
How you do it all on your own I don't know
Acknowledging the difficulty of managing life independently.
Well hold up, I don't know you like that
Expressing unfamiliarity or discomfort with the person being addressed.
You should probably ask somebody different
Suggesting the need to consult someone else for personal matters.
If I'm being honest I don't know what's going on
Admitting uncertainty and confusion about the current situation.
And I know, I'm never alone, from the depths of my soul
Feeling a spiritual connection and assurance of not being alone.
I never knew that I needed you
Realizing a need for someone in their life.
All I knew is that you walked away
Recalling a past experience of someone walking away.
I know it's gon' be okay, be okay
Believing that things will be okay eventually.
But right now I'm not okay
Expressing current emotional distress and not feeling okay.
It's almost like the walls were caving in
Describing a sense of pressure and emotional collapse.
And you simply didn't care
Perceiving a lack of concern from someone in a difficult situation.
I was just a kid growing up
Reflecting on childhood without a father figure.
With no father figure there
Expressing a feeling of abandonment.
And honestly, I wanted to hate you
Acknowledging a desire to harbor resentment but choosing forgiveness.
But I simply forgave you, cause
Explaining forgiveness despite negative feelings.
I was blessed with the Fathers love, and
Feeling blessed by the love of a father figure.
For years I'd pretend
Engaging in pretense for an extended period.
And deep down, it felt like my pain wouldn't end
Experiencing prolonged emotional pain.
But soon I realized
Coming to a realization about the impossibility of reversing time.
That I just can't rewind
Accepting the inability to undo past events.
Can't bring back lost time
Recognizing the irreversible nature of lost time.
But the gift of forgiveness isn't yours
Claiming ownership of the gift of forgiveness.
It's mine
Asserting personal control over the act of forgiveness.
I never knew that I needed you
Repeating the realization of needing someone.
All I knew is that you walked away
Reiterating the memory of someone walking away.
I know it's gon be okay, be okay
Affirming the belief that things will be okay eventually.
But right now I'm not okay
Expressing ongoing emotional distress.
Don't get it twisted, I didn't lose you
Clarifying that the speaker did not lose the addressed person.
You lost the privilege of raising me
Affirming the loss of the privilege of parental influence.
And you don't get to take the credit for the person I've become, see
Rejecting the idea that the addressed person contributed to the speaker's identity.
My mom and God became the father you couldn't be
Identifying the substitute father figures in the speaker's life.
I never knew that I needed you
Reiterating the realization of needing someone.
All I knew is that you walked away
Recalling the memory of someone walking away.
I know it's gon be okay, be okay
Affirming the belief that things will be okay eventually.
But right now I'm not okay
Expressing ongoing emotional distress.
I'm Not Okay
Stating the title and theme of the song.
I don't feel, I don't feel okay
Emphasizing the current emotional numbness or distress.
But right now
Reiterating the present emotional state of not feeling okay.
I'm not okay
Reinforcing the message of not feeling okay in the current moment.
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