Lyrics
The other day my dad hugged me and told me he's proud and
The narrator's dad recently expressed pride and affection towards them.
I swear I haven't felt love like that in a while and
The narrator feels a deep sense of love from their dad, which they haven't experienced in a while.
I've always been the type to laugh the loudest
The narrator tends to laugh loudly, possibly as a cover for their inner pain.
To hide the fact that I am cracked and shattered
The narrator hides their emotional distress despite feeling broken inside.
Cuz I'm acting
The narrator pretends or acts normal despite feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of death.
Cuz my death is all I can imagine
Constant thoughts of death dominate the narrator's mind.
My mind begins to unravel when I'm alone in all those late nights and
The narrator's mind becomes troubled and unravels during lonely late nights.
I feel like I'm always on go with no brake lines and
The narrator feels constantly busy or overwhelmed without any pause for relaxation.
I know that it'll take time to heal my soul in all of this lake fire
Healing from the emotional turmoil will take a considerable amount of time, akin to trying to extinguish a fire in a lake.
Cuz lately man I'm going under
The narrator feels like they're sinking or struggling immensely recently.
It's crazy I wonder if maybe
The narrator finds it unbelievable or 'crazy' that they might not overcome their struggles.
I don't ever come up then maybe it ends all the struggle
There's a hopelessness about the idea that ending the struggle might only happen through death.
Cuz it's been a sad year and I don't know what I'm doing here
The past year has been filled with sadness, and the narrator feels lost and purposeless.
I don't know what I'm doing here
Reiterating the confusion and lack of direction felt during this time.
I don't know what I'm doing here
Continued expression of uncertainty and feeling lost.
Help me escape from the pain
A plea for help to escape the emotional pain.
I know that I need to change
The narrator acknowledges the need for personal change.
I know that there's something wrong with my brain
Recognition of something being mentally wrong or troubled within the narrator.
I am trying to run but I'm standing in place
The narrator feels stuck, trying to flee from distress but unable to move forward.
Cuz it's been a sad year and I don't know what I'm doing here
Reiteration of the overwhelming sadness experienced throughout the year.
I don't know what I'm doing here
Continued expression of feeling lost and purposeless.
I don't know what I'm doing here
Reiterating the confusion and lack of direction felt during this time.
I spent the year of 2018 bedridden
The narrator spent the entirety of 2018 confined to bed due to physical or emotional distress.
All those nights sitting in my head wishing I was dead
The narrator spent nights wishing for death while feeling emotionally burdened.
Gripping on this lead spillin' my heart out
The narrator expresses their emotional turmoil and vulnerability.
I feel like giving in but I've already made it this far now
Despite feeling like giving up, the narrator has managed to persevere until now.
I can feel the dread filling my heart now as I start out writing these bars down
The narrator feels a growing sense of apprehension and sorrow while writing these lyrics.
I was low and I came close to suicide I still have those thoughts, that is truth I hide
The narrator has battled severe lows and thoughts of suicide, hiding these truths from others.
And if I let them through they can consume my mind
Allowing these thoughts to resurface might consume the narrator's mind entirely.
I want the pain to stop but I don't wanna die
The narrator wants the emotional pain to stop but doesn't wish to end their life.
I've been trying not break
The narrator is trying hard not to break or succumb to their emotional struggles.
Finding out that I was ill was a lot to take in
Discovering their illness was a significant challenge for the narrator.
2018 Was a lot to face and that's why I've been trying to find my way cuz
The entirety of 2018 was challenging for the narrator, prompting a search for direction and purpose.
Cuz it's been a sad year and I don't know what I'm doing here
Reiteration of the overwhelming sadness experienced throughout the year.
I don't know what I'm doing here
Continued expression of feeling lost and purposeless.
I don't know what I'm doing here
Reiterating the confusion and lack of direction felt during this time.
Help me escape from the pain
A plea for help to escape the emotional pain.
I know that I need to change
The narrator acknowledges the need for personal change.
I know that there's something wrong with my brain
Recognition of something being mentally wrong or troubled within the narrator.
I am trying to run but I'm standing in place
The narrator feels stuck, trying to flee from distress but unable to move forward.
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