Far from Home
Journey Through Inner Turmoil: Blackout The Rebel's Emotive Symphony
Lyrics
I left more than a papercut on the hearts of many/
I have deeply hurt many people, leaving emotional wounds.
It's a battle symphony in my mind to find epiphanies/
My mind is a battlefield as I seek profound realizations.
This new divide is tearing me up from the inside/
A new conflict is causing internal turmoil.
Cant read my phone i feel like I'm running out of time/
Feeling rushed and overwhelmed, struggling to manage time.
I've been searching for somewhere I belong to/
Seeking a place where I truly belong.
Thinking about loved ones damn I can't believe that I wronged you/
Regretting wronging loved ones and reflecting on the consequences.
So much has happened i was numb to/
Numb to significant events that have occurred.
Do anything im not given up/
Determined not to give up despite challenges.
Im friggin stuck/
Feeling trapped or unable to progress.
Talking to myself I'm friggin nuts/
Experiencing inner turmoil and self-talk.
Yuck I'm still puking and spitting up/
Physically and emotionally unwell, expressing disgust.
Heavy is the head where's a place for my head/
Carrying a heavy burden and seeking a place for solace.
What I've done I know that I deserved to be dead/
Expressing guilt and feeling deserving of punishment.
The pictures that I used to paint/
Artistic expressions that used to captivate, now replaced with angst.
Could make the masses faint but now they're filled with a lot of angst this ain't
Former artistic creations now evoke negative emotions.
A prank/
Rejecting the notion that current struggles are a mere joke.
Lost in the echo pursuing green like a gecko/
Lost in pursuit of material wealth like a gecko chasing prey.
The catalyst i know is that my fans have been mad as shit/
Acknowledging fan dissatisfaction as the catalyst for change.
You have turnt songs but when you leave out all the rest/
Highlighting the importance of including all aspects in one's work.
That automatically takes you out of being crowned the best/
Being concerned with success and financial gain.
One more light to get high I was concerned with a check/
Chasing highs while neglecting deeper connections.
The iridescent visions I saw when given submission/
Reflecting on distorted visions during vulnerable moments.
Can't believe I used to take all of these until it's gone/
Regretting the consumption of substances that are now gone.
Then I'm sounding like khaled cuz I'm looking for another one/
Searching for replacements, akin to DJ Khaled's famous phrase.
My moral points of authority all washed away/
Losing moral authority as the effects of substance use wear off.
As I sober up I know that was my final masquerade/
Realizing the consequences of past actions as sobriety sets in.
Turning up with people who were a castle of glass/
Socializing with individuals with superficial beauty but empty cores.
Beautiful on the outside but their core was barren and vast/
Acknowledging the deceptive nature of appearances.
This lying has fans one step closer to saying bye to you/
Deceptive actions leading fans to distance themselves.
You're the only one to blame and be held liable/
Taking responsibility for negative outcomes and consequences.
They used to fuck with me cuz they knew I could bleed it out/
Being exploited for vulnerabilities in the past.
Now if I dropped bars would they even be proud/
Doubting whether current achievements would bring pride.
The shadow of the day's approaching/
Anticipating a challenging future represented by approaching shadows.
I guess no more coaching/
Lamenting the absence of guidance or support.
These new bridges built I need to burn it down/
Reflecting on the need to destroy new connections or relationships.
I let yall borrow the crown you can please return it now/
Requesting the return of recognition or success borrowed from others.
In the end it doesn't even matter/
Emphasizing the insignificance of certain struggles in the grand scheme.
I'm waiting for the end I'm breaking the habit and watch it shatter/
Awaited conclusion and breaking free from destructive patterns.
Not a laughing matter/
Serious and not to be taken lightly, contrary to a joke.
Like jewish writers tellin black people to act blacker/
Commenting on inappropriate cultural expectations.
Has my integrity ever been a factor/
Questioning the impact of personal choices on integrity.
I sacrificed it all to be a benefactor/
Giving up personal values for the benefit of others.
Now here's the data and lately im feeling like none of it is adding up/
Presenting information and expressing frustration with its lack of coherence.
I'm mad as fuck/
Intense anger and frustration at the current situation.
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