Black Bear Road
Off-Road Adventure: Black Bear Road Tales
Lyrics
(C.W. McCall, Bill Fries, Chip Davis)
Introduction of the songwriters, setting the scene of a camping trip
Me an' RJ an' the kids was on a camp-out in the mountains, and we had us one'a them you-Drive-'Em Army Jeep cars which we rented from a fella by the name of Kubozke for thirty bucks a day, buy your gas along the way, take a rabbit's foot and leave a pint of blood for a dee-posit.
Describes renting a Jeep for a mountain trip, detailing the conditions and costs
And he 'splained it all to us how we was supposed to get to Telluride, which is fifty miles away by way of the regular highway, however, there was a shortcut but unless we had drove the Black Bear Road before, we'd better be off to stay, stay in bed and sleep late. (Pay no attention to the gitar there.)
Receiving directions to Telluride, warning about a dangerous but faster shortcut
Well, we took up off'n the highway and we come upon a sign says "Black Bear Road. You don't have to be crazy to drive this road, but it helps." I says, "RJ, this must the shortcut road Kubozke was talkin' about." She didn't pay no mind, 'cause she was makin' peanut butter sandwiches for the kids in the back seat throwin' rocks and drinkin' cool-Aid and playin' count-the-license-plates. But they wasn't havin' too much fun a-countin' license plate or cars, 'cause there weren't no other cars.
Encountering a sign for "Black Bear Road" and initial reactions while driving
We went about a mile-and-a-half in about four hours, busted off the right front fender, tore a hole in the oil pan on a rock as big as a hall closet. Went over a bump and spilt the cool-Aid and Roy Gene stuck his bolo knife right through the convertible top and the dog threw up all over the back seat. Peanut butter don't agree with him, you see.
Series of mishaps including damage to the car and spillage of drinks
So we had to stop and take off the top and air everything out and clean it up. The dog run off and RJ says she felt her asthma comin' on. I was sittin' there wonderin' what to do when the en-tire scenic San Joo-wan you-Drive-'Em Army Jeep car sank in the mud. At thirteen thousand feet above sea level.
More troubles arise, the car sinks in mud at a high altitude, causing distress
Well, we shoveled it out and ate our lunch, the dog made a yellow hole in the snow and Roy Gene got out his Instamatic and took a snapshot of it. Mary Elizabeth drawed a picture of the road; it looked like a whole bunch a' Zs and Ws all strung together. And RJ took one look at it and said that the only way that Jeep car is goin' down that road is over her dead body. Then a rock slipped out from under the wheel and the you-Drive-'Em Army Jeep car went right over the edge of the cliff. Yahoo-oo-oo-oo!
Attempts to remedy the situation, but the car ends up going off a cliff
"Doggone-it, Roy Gene! How many times do I have to 'splain it to you? When I tell you to put a rock under the wheel, I mean rock! Now look at that, what you have there is no bigger'n a grapefruit."
Frustration expressed at Roy Gene for not using a proper-sized rock
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