I'm Not Saying
Unspoken Confessions: Eleanor Buckland's Emotional Odyssey
Lyrics
The truth looks so pretty dressed up
The truth appears attractive when adorned with embellishments.
Hiding away in another disguise
Choosing to conceal reality behind a different facade.
If everybody's playing it cool, nobody gets mad
Emphasizing the idea that maintaining a calm exterior prevents conflicts.
This lie looked so good on us
A deception that seemed appealing in the context of the relationship.
And I was only looking at your good side
Focusing on the positive aspects of the person being addressed.
But isn't that why you needed me so bad
Suggesting that the need for the speaker was based on the positive perception.
The city took its toll on us
Referring to the challenges faced in the urban environment.
A rainy night, a mystery
Describing a night with an air of mystery in the rain.
You told me you were broken, but so was I
Sharing a mutual experience of brokenness in a relationship.
And the story felt dangerous
Portraying the relationship's narrative as perilous.
The words unsaid left in between
Highlighting unspoken words that linger between the individuals.
So how can you say the fault was only mine?
Questioning the attribution of fault solely to the speaker.
If I hold my breath and bite my tongue, can I keep it all in my head?
Contemplating the possibility of internalizing emotions to avoid external expression.
I'm not saying that I've been crying
Denying overtly expressing sadness through tears.
I'm not saying that I'm the only one trying
Asserting that efforts in the relationship are not one-sided.
I'm not saying that I still love you
Declining to affirm the continuation of love.
Cuz maybe if I don't say it, somehow it won't be true
Expressing a hope that avoiding verbal acknowledgment may alter reality.
Now we find ourselves way up here
Describing an elevated position in the relationship.
Hanging out on a tightrope wire
Depicting a precarious situation, likened to a tightrope.
The skyline looks so pretty if we don't look down
Finding beauty in the relationship if certain aspects are avoided.
Trouble adores the worst in me
Acknowledging a propensity for trouble within the speaker.
And why am I the one who has to be kind
Questioning the unequal burden of kindness on the speaker.
And try to keep your heart from hitting the ground
Attempting to protect the other person from emotional harm.
Why do I hold my breath and let it go, when you already know everything I've been keeping in my head?
Expressing frustration at the need to withhold emotions already known by the other person.
I'm not saying that I've been crying
Reiterating the denial of crying.
And I'm not saying that I'm the only one trying
Affirming shared efforts in the relationship.
I'm not saying that I still want you
Rejecting an explicit declaration of continued desire.
Cuz maybe if I don't say it
Pondering the potential impact of avoiding verbalizing emotions.
Take a breath and hold my tongue, why do I feel like I have to worry about everyone else, what do I want, does it even matter and oh my god I'm losing myself
Reflecting on personal struggles and a sense of losing identity.
I'm not saying that I've been crying
Maintaining the denial of crying and emphasizing effort.
I'm not saying that I'm the only one trying
Repeating the assertion of mutual effort.
I'm not saying that you've been lying
Denying an accusation of lying on the other person's part.
I'm not saying that you're not trying
Asserting that the other person is also making an effort.
And I'm not saying that I don't know you
Acknowledging knowledge of the other person without confirming it explicitly.
But maybe if I don't say it, somehow it won't be true
Echoing the earlier hope that avoiding verbal acknowledgment may alter reality.
Comment