Alone on Christmas
Alone on Christmas: A Humorous Ode to Unwanted Festive Surprises
Lyrics
You deserve tinsel rash
You deserve discomfort, represented humorously as a "tinsel rash."
You deserve gift cards for shops that you've never shopped at
You should receive gift cards for stores you've never visited.
You deserve burnt food, no booze
You deserve poorly cooked food and no alcohol.
And 'All I Want For Christmas' in your head on loop
You should have the song 'All I Want For Christmas' stuck in your head constantly.
You deserve long conversations with drunken family members
You deserve extended talks with intoxicated family members.
And shopping centre carparks every weekend of December
You deserve the chaos of crowded mall parking lots every weekend in December.
And although we never got along
Despite our past disagreements,
And I love it when your plans go wrong
I find enjoyment when your plans fail.
Nobody deserves to be alone on Christmas
No one should be lonely on Christmas, but
But you deserve to babysit sugar-crashing children
You deserve to babysit hyperactive children experiencing a sugar crash.
And acapella Christmas albums
You should endure acapella Christmas albums, unless you like them,
Unless you like that
in which case, you won't get any.
And then you get
If you dislike acapella albums,
No acapella Christmas albums
you won't receive any.
Deserve to wrap gifts in odd-shaped boxes
You deserve to wrap gifts in oddly shaped boxes.
Fairy lights tangled up in knots
Fairy lights should be tangled up for you.
And to give someone a gift you think they'd like
You should give a gift thinking it's perfect, but the recipient disagrees.
But their eyes tell you that they do not
People's eyes should reveal their dissatisfaction with your gifts.
And you know I wouldn't shed a tear
I wouldn't be sad if you were lonely all year.
If you're lonely every day next year
No one deserves solitude on Christmas,
But nobody deserves to be alone on Christmas
although I may not mind if you are.
Being a Grinch is not my style
I'm not typically a Grinch,
But my heart shrinks three sizes every time I see you smile
but your smile makes my heart shrink.
I hope that Santa brings to you
Wishing you an unsettling Christmas and an unpleasant New Year from Santa.
A very scary Christmas and a crappy New Year
However, sincerely hoping your holidays are bad.
But seriously, I hope yours are bad
Expressing a desire for misfortune to befall you.
And so I wish that you'd get hit
Wishing for comically unpleasant incidents involving reindeer excrement.
By piles of flying reindeer shit
Formulating a wish based on a humorous Christmas list check.
I made my list and checked it twice
Confirming that you are still disliked.
And that's right
A sarcastic acknowledgment of checking the list twice.
You're still a total dick
Reiterating the dislike, emphasizing the recipient's unpleasant personality.
Even though our less-than-jolly history
Despite a problematic history, the desire to metaphorically harm your Christmas tree.
Makes me wanna set fire to your Christmas tree
No one should be alone on Christmas,
Nobody deserves to be alone on Christmas
except for you, due to your disliked character.
Nobody deserves to be alone on Christmas
Reiterating the sentiment that nobody should be alone on Christmas.
Except you
Exceptionally, you deserve solitude on Christmas.
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