Lyrics
I just need out of my routine
I desire a break from my usual activities or habits.
To regain strength
This break is essential for me to recover my strength.
In pursuing my dream
I aim to pursue and fulfill my dream during this break.
But it keeps me awake
However, this pursuit is causing me distress and preventing me from sleeping.
Sleep is just more time to waste
Sleep seems unproductive and a waste of time in my current state of mind.
Cause I feel meaningless
I feel a lack of purpose or significance in my actions.
In every move I make
I sense a lack of meaning in every decision I make.
These thoughts are never
These thoughts and feelings are persistent and challenging to overcome.
Going to be easy to shake
Overcoming these thoughts is not going to be an easy task.
Even though I've written it out
Despite expressing my thoughts in writing multiple times.
So many times
I am unsure about the authenticity or ownership of my memories.
I don't know what
Uncertainty about which memories truly belonged to me.
Memories were mine
The situation I find myself in was never truly mine.
Cause it never was my situation
It was merely an unfortunate default destination.
It was just a pathetic default destination
This destination was seen as my truth, but it was not.
That I thought was my truth
During my youth, I was naive and lacked understanding.
But I was so young
I was inexperienced and did not know how to navigate life.
I didn't know what to do
Observing a toxic family environment develop around me.
So I sat around and watched
I spent my supposed best years witnessing negativity.
A toxic family grow
In the town where I grew up, a toxic family dynamic prevailed.
In a town I grew up in
Reflecting on the challenges of growing up in such an environment.
You know how that goes
Describing the familiarity of facing difficulties in a hometown.
I wasted what was supposed
I squandered what should have been the best years of my life.
To be the best years of my life
My time was wasted in empty rooms and staying awake all night.
For empty rooms and
The ongoing struggle and effort to improve my situation.
Staying up all night
Despite the hardships, I commit to continuing my fight.
But I'll continue my fight
Striving to feel at least a little bit alright.
Till I feel at least
Similar to lines 15-16, reiterating that the situation was not truly mine.
A little bit alright
Expressing the determination to attain a semblance of well-being.
Cause it never was my situation
Reiteration that the situation was not genuinely reflective of the individual.
It was just a pathetic default destination
Emphasizing the default and undesired nature of the situation.
That I thought was my truth
Reflecting on the misunderstanding during the speaker's youth.
But I was so young
Acknowledging the lack of knowledge and guidance during youth.
I didn't know what to do
Revisiting the theme of not knowing how to handle the situation.
So I sat around and watched
Repetition of the challenges observed in the toxic family environment.
A toxic family grow
Recalling the negative experiences of witnessing family toxicity.
In a town I grew up in
Reiteration of facing difficulties in the hometown setting.
You know how that goes
Acknowledging the familiarity of challenges in one's hometown.
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