The Push and Pull of It
Echoes of Forgiveness: Lily Talmers' Melancholic Reflections
Lyrics
I keep staring at this photograph
I reflect on a photograph
Its jagged tips that leave me here to think of how you're gone
The uneven edges prompt thoughts of your absence
They always bring me back again to lie within myself, mm
The photograph brings me back to introspection
And ain't it true we play pretend?
We engage in make-believe
Ain't it true we let them sell us groceries and fineries and shining bright philosophies of life
We accept societal norms and ideals
Remember when your sister said you'd tried to kill yourself
A reference to a past concern about self-harm
And when I heard I nearly flew to Michigan right then
News of the false alarm almost led to immediate action
But it was just a false alarm, the new year rolled in heavy hearted
A false alarm occurred as the new year began
Remember how you cried inside the car parked in your driveway
Recollection of emotional moments in a car
Remember how you told me that I hadn't even tried to save the last of it?
A reminder of a perceived lack of effort to salvage a situation
You raised your fist; I wish you would've held it in that time
Regret about a past confrontation and a desire for restraint
Cuz I don't mind the push and pull of it; I'm just fine to play pretend
Acceptance of life's struggles without complaint
I just kindly ask we never speak again, mm
A wish to avoid future communication
And so it was that night set in at different times that fall
Description of the onset of nightfall during that season
At some sweet hour everything would turn to black
An expectation of a turning point toward darkness
And I'd ask myself if this whole mess was even worth my time, mm
Doubt about the value of the whole situation
Remember how we'd argue over Jesus Christ?
Recollection of arguments about religious topics
We probably should've opted for some other thing instead
Regret over the choice of argumentative subjects
Cuz I never quite forgave you for the awful things you said, mm
Unforgiveness for hurtful words spoken
I never minded the letting go of it; I was fine to play pretend
Contentment with letting go without resistance
Thinking we could manage not to speak again, mm
Hope to avoid further communication
Now you say I have a careless heart and that I didn't understand a single thing I did
An accusation of having a careless heart and misunderstanding
I used to think that second part was truer than it is
A reevaluation of the belief in the accuracy of self-perception
Remember how much time we wasted hating things that moved us
Recollection of wasted time on negative emotions
Remember how I photographed you hanging by a thread, then up the phone
A memory of capturing a vulnerable moment
You know I loved you, though I never sought to mean that as I did
Expression of love with acknowledgment of unintended consequences
But still I do
A declaration of continued love despite past events
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