13 Weeks
13 Weeks: A Poignant Journey through Motherhood's Uncharted Realities
Lyrics
january, almost a year of being hunkered down
Reflecting on almost a year of staying confined or isolated.
an aching in my abdomen, perpetually tuckered out
Expressing a constant fatigue or exhaustion in the abdominal region.
a nagging nausea leaving me kneeling on the crusted tile
Describing a persistent nausea leading to a physical reaction on the floor.
a harsher bit of finding out now that i'd fucked around
Realizing a harsh truth about previous actions or decisions.
although i'd found it out before, already knew what was the fuss about
Acknowledging prior awareness of the situation and its implications.
but what about the fuss? i wondered if, i wondered how
Contemplating the significance and nature of the situation.
muttered aloud the possibility that i could be a mother now
Musing aloud about the possibility of becoming a mother.
that i'd become functional enough to try run a town,
Considering the idea of being functional enough to govern a town.
still it struck me as a clusterfuck and so i shut it down
Feeling overwhelmed by the situation and choosing to avoid it.
that is until i saw the ultrasound, a little paw, the thumb pronounced
Changing perspective upon seeing an ultrasound and recognizing the unborn child.
the heartbeat's little thumping wow is all i said,
Expressing surprise and affection upon hearing the baby's heartbeat.
my jaw practically struck the ground as suddenly i really loved the child
Experiencing a sudden and profound love for the child.
But then again
Introducing a shift in the narrative or conflicting emotions.
Even when you feel your heart fill with a love you've never felt before,
Acknowledging the overwhelming love felt for the child.
And know that love will sustain you through all the years that come,
Believing that love will sustain through challenges but recognizing unforeseen fears.
All the fears that come are something no one can prepare you for.
Highlighting the unpredictability and unpreparedness for certain fears.
But how was I supposed to know?
Expressing uncertainty about the future and the inability to foresee challenges.
Then the euphoria faded,
Describing a fading euphoria coinciding with increased financial and medical burdens.
Around the time my rent had tripled, all the doctor bills adorning the table.
Stressing the financial strain and medical expenses becoming overwhelming.
I tucked my knees up to my navel, wrapped a blanket round my face
Depicting a moment of distress and emotional pain, seeking comfort in a blanket.
And squeezed my ankles as I screamed til I fainted for all the things I'm afraid of.
Expressing intense fear through physical reactions and unconsciousness.
Picture the doctor saying she didn't make it
Imagining the devastating news from a doctor about the unborn child.
Picture my partner driving home alone now he's gotta raise him
Visualizing the partner dealing with the loss and the responsibility of raising a child alone.
And even if I breeze through the labor the best case scenario's exceedingly painful.
Anticipating a painful labor and the best-case scenario still being challenging.
Nobody tells you, even if you feel prepared to keep and clean and feed him,
Noting that nobody adequately prepares for the challenges of caring for a child.
Push the baby carriage, cherish him and barely sleep
Listing the demanding tasks of parenting and the toll it takes on sleep.
Entering parenthood is such a scary thing
Emphasizing the fear and uncertainty associated with entering parenthood.
Never knowing where the story's going's the only guarantee.
Highlighting the inherent uncertainty in the trajectory of life.
Comment