Lyrics
One thing that I do is try to control everything inside my life
Expressing a desire for control over life's aspects.
It never works look at the trouble that it brings
Acknowledging that attempts at control lead to trouble.
Look at the pain that I have caused all this destruction wasn't worth it
Reflecting on the pain and destruction caused by such efforts.
Look at all that I created I don't know my greater purpose
Uncertainty about one's greater purpose despite achievements.
I ain't mad at anyone cause I'm the reason it ain't working
Taking responsibility for personal failures rather than blaming others.
Yeah it took a couple years for me to learn that we ain't perfect
Realizing imperfections and the learning process over time.
Had to, lose all my family
Sacrifices made, including losing family connections.
And most of my sanity
Loss of sanity due to life's challenges.
Can't fit in humanity
Feeling disconnected from humanity.
Damn I lost all my clarity
Loss of clarity and confusion in life.
It's actually amazing I've made it as far as this
Surprised at personal resilience despite challenges.
Thought that I would feel completed after all of these hits
Expectation of fulfillment after achieving success.
But I'm in my room, just clenching my fists and losing my grip
Struggling emotionally despite outward success.
It was all about the passion now it's money and spliffs
Shift from passion to materialistic pursuits.
So who got this, who got that
Emphasizing material possessions as measures of value.
Judging value with gifts
Judging worth based on tangible gifts.
I had a crew, where they at
Loss of a social circle due to diverging paths.
Many people have split
Observing relationships fading away.
Maybe it's normal to grow up and slowly distance apart
Contemplating the natural distance that comes with growing up.
But I'm not good at saying bye from ones I loved at the start
Difficulty saying goodbye to loved ones from the past.
I find some comfort knowing that we both look up at the stars
Finding solace in shared experiences under the stars.
I had to let go of the hate cause it was killing my heart
Letting go of hatred for personal well-being.
My grandfather died of cancer wonder how I'll depart
Reflecting on the impact of cancer, fearing a similar fate.
I think about it way too much so I'm afraid of the dark
Overthinking mortality, afraid of the unknown.
In the same moment I can see all of this beauty in front of me
Appreciating the beauty around despite internal struggles.
Feeling grateful that I even have you all in my company
Expressing gratitude for the company of others.
If enough ends up being the last record I make
Possibly contemplating the potential finality of creative output.
Carry it knowing that I gave it all I had in this place
Taking pride in giving one's best in the current circumstances.
I've seen a lot that I don't speak of I pretend it don't exist
Keeping silent about challenging experiences.
Checking boxes that don't matter on a fabricated list
Engaging in superficial achievements that lack true significance.
Why you asking where I been my answers I been building this
Deflecting inquiries about personal growth and progress.
I was drowning in emotion so I had to build a ship
Metaphorically building resilience to emotional struggles.
I'll be thirty in a year or two
Acknowledging approaching middle age and seeking clarity.
Seeking out a clearer view
Yearning for a clearer understanding of life.
But every day that's passing by I feel like death is nearing too
Feeling a sense of impending mortality as time passes.
Like hey, haven't seen you in a minute you look older now
Observing physical aging while maintaining inner identity.
I'm still the person that I was I'm just a little colder now
Remaining true to oneself despite life's hardships.
Preacher looking at me I don't think he wants to mess with this
Resistance to conforming to societal expectations.
Christians saying one thing but that goes against the Methodists
Highlighting contradictions in religious teachings.
Searching what the method is
Questioning the right approach to life's challenges.
I know it's not a pessimist
Acknowledging a realistic perspective, not pessimism.
Just respect a human as a human and don't question it
Advocating for mutual respect without judgment.
That's a universal law that's been written in stone
Referencing a universal law of respecting others as humans.
But we carry negativity that started in our homes
Carrying negative influences from family upbringing.
If this reaches you in time I'm asking what you plan to be
Prompting reflection on life's purpose and goals.
And what you see when you get stripped away of all your vanity
Questioning self-identity when stripped of external validation.
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