Swims
Eternal Waves of Loss: Mount Eerie's Haunting Reflection on Existence
Lyrics
I can't get the image out of my head
I'm unable to remove the memory from my mind
Of when I held you right there
Recalling the moment when I held you close
And watched you die
Recalling witnessing your death
Upstairs in the back bedroom of our house
Specifically, the upstairs room in our long-term residence
Where we have lived for many years
Describing the duration of time spent living there
Your last gasping breaths
Your final struggling breaths
I see it again and again
Continuously replaying the scene
As the breeze blew in
While the wind entered the room
The room I still don't go in at night
Avoiding entering that room during the night
Because I see you
Continuously seeing your image there
Your transformed, dying face will recede with time
Your altered appearance while dying will fade over time
Is what our counselor said
What our therapist advised us
Who we walked to every Monday holding hands
Depicting the journey to therapy, holding hands
Slower every week with your breathing
Gradual slowing of breath each week
Until we had to drive
Until it necessitated driving
But then only two months after you died
Only two months after your passing
Our counselor died
The therapist also passed away
All at once, her empty office with no light on
Describing the therapist's now-empty office
As if her work was done
Suggesting the therapist's work concluded
We are all always so close to not existing at all
A reflection on the fragility of existence
Except in the confusion of our survived-bys grasping at the echoes
Survivors trying to hold on to memories and connections
Today our daughter asked me if mama swims
Conversation about the mother swimming
I told her, "Yes, she does
Confirming that she swims
And that's probably all she does now"
Speculating that swimming might be her main activity now
What was you is now borne across waves
The transformation of the deceased into something carried by waves
Evaporating
Vanishing or dispersing
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