Lyrics
I stopped going outside
Expressing a withdrawal from social activities or outdoor engagements.
This whole past year of my life
Reflecting on the entire past year of one's life.
And now I'm sitting in the shower
Contemplating life's complexities while in a vulnerable state (shower).
Wondering why
Pondering the reasons behind current feelings.
That when all my friends left
Feeling abandoned by friends and facing confusion about beginnings and endings.
I confused the start with the end
Reflecting on the confusion between starting and concluding relationships.
And now I'm sitting here
Presently dealing with the aftermath of goodbyes left unsaid.
With all these goodbyes
Acknowledging the weight of unspoken farewells.
That I never dared send
Expressing a desire to break emotionally without yielding to pressure.
Can I just break and not bend
Contemplating the choice between breaking and bending under life's challenges.
Or am I doomed to burn
Questioning whether personal flaws will lead to self-destruction.
With all my lies
Acknowledging a struggle with personal dishonesty.
So I'll start to pretend
Choosing to pretend, possibly as a coping mechanism.
That I'm making amends
Faking reconciliation while facing internal conflicts.
While I crucify myself
Metaphorically crucifying oneself amid challenges.
In between these lines
Reflecting on personal struggles within the context of life's narrative.
Because I'm a shut in
Identifying as a recluse or socially withdrawn individual.
I'm the friend you don't need
Acknowledging oneself as a friend others might not need.
I'm the one that's just not right here
Feeling like an outsider who is present but not truly noticed.
That you feel but can't see
Expressing an intangible presence felt by others.
Another off day
Referring to a day where things seem off or not in alignment.
Or is this just me
Questioning if the feelings are unique to the individual.
I'm not the person I was way back then
Recognizing a significant personal change over time.
At least that's what I have to believe
Embracing a belief in personal transformation.
Because there's a piece of me
Highlighting a resistant part within, reluctant to mature.
That can't grow up
Expressing a reluctance to grow up due to a dislike of the future self.
Because it hates what I'll be
Refusing to embrace the future self and its potential flaws.
If I give myself to my twenties
Weighing the cost of conforming to societal expectations (nine to five to sixty-three).
This nine to five to sixty-three
Expressing dissatisfaction with a conventional, monotonous lifestyle.
So it's grasping out at straws
Describing a desperate attempt to find solutions, akin to grasping at straws.
Some flailing monster in the night
Depicting inner struggles as a monstrous force resisting change.
That I could kill off like Van Helsing
Reference to the character Van Helsing, suggesting a desire to overcome inner demons.
But for some reason
Expressing discomfort or unease with the idea of defeating personal struggles.
That doesn't feel right
Feeling conflicted about the notion of overcoming inner challenges.
Because I'm a shut in
Repetition of the theme of social isolation and being unwanted.
I'm the friend you don't need
Reiterating the idea of being a friend others may not require.
I'm the one that's just not right here
Emphasizing the feeling of being out of place or not fitting in.
That you feel but can't see
Acknowledging an intangible presence felt by others.
Another off day
Reiterating the notion of experiencing an off day or a personal disconnect.
Or is this just me
Questioning the uniqueness of personal feelings.
I'm not the person I was way back then
Reflecting on personal change and the belief necessary for self-improvement.
At least that's what I have to believe
Emphasizing the need to maintain a belief in personal transformation.
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