If I Wanted To
Heart's Defiance: Resisting Love's Deception
Lyrics
I hear your knock, I see you standing there
I acknowledge your presence with a knock and see you standing before me.
With hat and heart in your hand
You approach with a hat and a heart in a humble manner.
But I don't have to see the questionnaire
I don't need to see any questions; I already understand your intentions.
To know just what you have planned
I know what you have in mind without needing further clarification.
Girl you've hurt me ten times out of ten
You've consistently hurt me in every instance.
So give my heartache it's due
Recognizing the pain you've caused, I acknowledge my heartache.
I swear I can't go through you again
I cannot endure going through the pain caused by you again.
Even if I wanted to
Even if I had the desire to, I couldn't bear it.
If I wanted to I'd just close my eyes
If I wanted to, I could ignore the reality and close my eyes.
And I'd open up my heart
I could open up my heart despite the difficulties.
If I wanted to I'd believe your lies
If I desired, I could believe the lies you tell.
And then serve them A La Carte
I could then accept those lies as if they were offered on a menu.
Girl you're wanting me to convince myself
You want me to convince myself that my heart is not deeply wounded.
That my heart's not black-and-blue
I refuse to delude myself; I won't deny the pain I've endured.
I won't do it, I couldn't take you back
I won't reconcile with you; I can't bear the thought of taking you back.
Even if I wanted to
Even if it were my desire, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
If I wanted to I could make believe
If I chose to, I could pretend you didn't deeply hurt me.
You didn't cut me to the bone
I could ignore the pain you caused as if it didn't affect me.
If I wanted to I'd roll up my sleeves
If I desired, I could face the challenges of being close to your pain.
And step into your hurting zone
I could willingly enter the difficult situation you create.
Girl you're hoping I'll take a look at us
You hope I reconsider our relationship from a new perspective.
From a whole new point of view
I reject this idea; I won't view us differently.
I won't do it, I couldn't take you back
I won't take you back, even if it means enduring the pain again.
Even if I wanted to
Even if I had the desire, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
I've been through it, so I couldn't take you back
Reflecting on past experiences, I realize I can't reconcile with you.
Even if I wanted to
Even if there were a desire, I couldn't take you back.
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