Lyrics
Wake up in the dark and I reach for my nightstand
Beginning of the day, waking up in darkness, reaching for the nightstand symbolizes a routine or habit.
Wake up in the dark and I reach for my nightstand
Repetition emphasizes the regularity of the morning routine.
They tell me to keep it up, I don't know if I can
Pressure to continue a certain behavior, uncertain if it's sustainable.
Wake up in the bathtub, blood all over my hands
Waking up in the bathtub with blood on hands suggests a disturbing or violent experience during sleep.
Smiling, this is my moment
Expressing joy or satisfaction in the midst of chaos.
Tell me if you think that it's worth it again
Asking for validation or opinions on whether the current situation is worth repeating.
Lately I've been thinking 'bout my purpose, oh man
Contemplating the purpose of life or personal meaning.
Nightmare, I'm in a circus
Using "nightmare" and "circus" to describe the situation, implying a chaotic and surreal experience.
Worst part is that I think that I deserve this
Feeling that the difficult situation is deserved, possibly due to past actions.
Where do I go
A sense of confusion and not knowing the right direction to take.
I'm so lost
Feeling lost or disoriented.
Can't get rid of the smell of exhaust
Struggling with the lingering effects of a negative experience, represented by the smell of exhaust.
I can't lie, there's lines that I've crossed
Acknowledging crossing certain moral or personal boundaries.
Trust me though, I payed the cost
Paying a personal cost for the actions taken.
Wake up in the dark and I reach for my nightstand
Reiteration of the morning routine, highlighting its significance.
They tell me to keep it up, I don't know if I can
Receiving advice or encouragement to continue, unsure if it's possible.
Wake up in the bathtub, blood all over my hands
Repetition of waking up with blood on hands, emphasizing the disturbing nature of the experience.
Smiling, this is my moment
Expressing happiness or contentment despite the challenging circumstances.
Wake up in the dark and I reach for my nightstand
Continuation of the morning routine, reflecting its persistent nature.
They tell me to keep it up, I don't know if I can
Receiving mixed signals or conflicting advice on whether to continue.
Wake up in the bathtub, blood all over my hands
Repeated imagery of waking up with blood on hands, suggesting a recurring internal struggle.
Smiling, I smile, oh man
Smiling in the face of difficulties, possibly as a coping mechanism.
Don't look at me I get so frozen
Avoiding eye contact or scrutiny, feeling emotionally frozen.
Lay down to show my devotion
Expressing dedication or commitment, lying down to show devotion.
When do I show my emotion
Questioning when to express true emotions, indicating internal conflict.
Mix liquor up, It's a potion
Using alcohol metaphorically as a coping mechanism or escape.
I still move all alone
Independence and self-reliance, moving forward alone.
I can't remember my childhood phone
Losing memories of childhood, possibly due to trauma or substance use.
I thought I'd overdose
Thoughts of self-harm or dangerous behavior, possibly as a form of escape.
Oh, I always kept it close
Keeping something important close, possibly a metaphorical or physical object.
And in my mind I know
Understanding in the mind that a certain path is undesirable.
I never wanted to go
Reluctance or resistance to a path that was never desired.
I'm glad I'm here tonight
Expressing gratitude for being present in the current moment.
I'm glad I'm still alive
Acknowledging the value of life despite challenges.
Wake up in the dark and I reach for my nightstand
Repetition of the morning routine, reinforcing its significance.
They tell me to keep it up, I don't know if I can
Receiving encouragement to persist, uncertain about the ability to do so.
Wake up in the bathtub, blood all over my hands
Reiteration of waking up with blood on hands, emphasizing the haunting nature of the experience.
Smiling, this is my moment
Expressing joy or satisfaction despite ongoing challenges.
Wake up in the dark and I reach for my nightstand
Continuation of the morning routine, emphasizing its persistent nature.
They tell me to keep it up, I don't know if I can
Receiving conflicting advice on whether to persist in the current situation.
Wake up in the bathtub, blood all over my hands
Repetition of waking up with blood on hands, indicating a recurring internal struggle.
Smiling, this is my moment
Expressing satisfaction or contentment in the midst of personal turmoil.
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