Lyrics
I spent so many days in shame
I experienced a prolonged period of feeling disgraceful
I can't escape
I cannot break free from this situation
It's getting harder every day
Every day, it becomes more challenging
To express the pain
To articulate the emotional distress I'm going through
I have a pen but its color is not right
I possess a pen, but its color doesn't match my emotions
It used to be blue but it's gotta be black as the night
It used to be blue, but now it symbolizes darkness (black as the night)
I was your mule
I served you dutifully
But ran out of fuel
Yet, I ran out of energy or motivation
Throwing me off balance
Your actions are destabilizing me
Longing for acceptance
I crave approval and belonging
You're just making sure
You're ensuring that I'll never express my true feelings
I'll never sing the words
I won't sing the words that reflect my emotions
Each and every moment
Throughout every moment, you've had control
You have been my owner
You've been the dominant force in my life
Never left your home
I never left your influence
'Cause I'd be alone
Because being without you would leave me isolated
It's like my heart's been split in two
My heart feels torn in two
And I no longer know what to do
I'm lost and don't know how to proceed
Traded my sorrow for the guilt
I exchanged my sadness for guilt
But all I really want is that my soul will be still
Yet, all I desire is inner peace
Still there are some days I think of
Despite this, there are days when I reflect on
What it's like waking up to find that
What it's like to wake up and discover
I have been wrong all this time
I've been wrong all along
You were my king
You held a significant role in my life
And I was just a kid
While I was just an inexperienced person
Throwing me off balance
Your actions continue to destabilize me
Longing for acceptance
I yearn for acceptance
You're just making sure
You're ensuring my silence
I'll never sing the words
I won't express my true feelings
We stay under covers
We remain hidden and protected
You have been my lover
You've been my intimate partner
Let the world spin round
Let the world continue, as we exist in secrecy
'Cause we're underground
We operate beneath the surface, away from public view
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