Lyrics
I was so lost in my pain, fear was melting my brain,
I was deeply immersed in pain, and fear was overwhelming my mind.
I was counting the days to insanity, I was afraid to move myself
I was anticipating a descent into madness, paralyzed by the fear of taking any action.
Afraid to hurt myself, more than I had until that day
I was hesitant to move, fearing self-inflicted harm beyond what I had experienced before.
Everything I believed in, everything I fought for
Everything I believed in and fought for seemed shattered, lying beneath me.
Was now underneath my feet and my heart beat
My core values and convictions were trampled, and my heartbeat was imperceptible.
Was so gone, couldn't be felt by anyone
Feeling detached, my emotions were so subdued that no one could sense them.
So alone it gave me the creeps
Isolation haunted me profoundly, inducing a sense of dread.
My drugs got me in bed went up to my head And I really don't wanna depend
Intoxicated by drugs, I found solace in my bed, wary of dependence.
So I'll stick to
Choosing instead to rely on...
My friends and my friends and my car and my friends
My friends, my car, and the camaraderie they provide.
My friends and my friends and my cards and my friends
Emphasizing the importance of friendships and shared experiences.
Martini until the end
Martini becomes a symbol of endurance and perseverance.
Play pool again
Engaging in recreational activities like playing pool as a form of distraction.
Never thought woyuld be like this
The current situation was unexpected and different from what was envisioned.
No one told me it would be like this
No prior warnings about the challenging nature of this experience.
I'm amazed I'm amazed with myself
Expressing astonishment and reflection on personal growth.
And my brain and my pain
The connection between mental anguish and physical pain.
And my pain and my veins
The impact of pain on veins, symbolizing its profound effect on health.
Are delivering it to my health
Reflecting on the shattered self-confidence due to breached trust.
My self-confidence was broken while my trust was taken
Trust violations led to an empty life, symbolized by a threatening knife.
And it left me with an empty life and this knife
The lingering pain and the symbolic presence of the knife in bed.
Rests on the middle of me bed, I think in all the things she said
Contemplating past conversations, possibly with a significant other.
Close my eyes and sleep
Seeking solace through sleep while grappling with drug-induced thoughts.
All these drugs in my head, it seems I'm already dead
The impact of drugs on mental state, feeling like a living dead.
And I really don't want to depend
Reluctance to depend on substances, seeking alternatives.
So I'll stick to ...
Reaffirming the reliance on...
Can't smoke anymore can't drink anynmore, still I do it, I do it again
Despite awareness, continuing self-destructive habits.
Lost everything I had, Far from mum, far from dad
Experiencing significant losses but finding gratitude for loyal friends.
I thank God for my good, good friends
Expressing gratitude for friends as a source of support and comfort.
But where's this God that I mention? Where is He right now?
Raising existential questions about the presence of God amid struggles.
As I die as slowly as I can? All my plans, went down the hole
Contemplating a slow demise and the futility of thwarted plans.
My life has no goal, and I wonder if this is worth it
Feeling aimless, questioning the worthiness of the current situation.
But my friends took my hand
Highlighting the supportive role of friends during challenging times.
Helped me to lift myself again
Acknowledging the assistance of friends in regaining self-confidence.
And that's why I really love
Expressing genuine love and appreciation for the friends' role in recovery.
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