Hail Mary
Forged by Absence: A Journey of Self-Redemption
Lyrics
I have my fathers eyes
I inherited my father's eyes.
And my mothers grin
I possess my mother's grin.
And I've carried his name as a heavy burden
I bear the weight of his name as a heavy burden.
For 24 years I carried the blame
For 24 years, I carried the blame.
But there's no love in a name
Names lack genuine love.
Maybe if I held on then you'd come back
Perhaps if I clung to it, you might return.
You left us once, you left me twice
You abandoned us once, leaving me abandoned twice.
Replaced us with a white picket fence and nuclear love
You replaced us with a conventional family image and superficial love.
You use that cross as a crutch
You rely on the cross as a crutch.
A crooked dagger just to sever the ties between us
Using a distorted dagger to sever the emotional ties between us.
A token problem child with slit wrists and tear stained cheeks
I'm perceived as a troubled child with self-inflicted wounds and tear-stained cheeks.
Thinking that all this time because I showed it I was weak
Thinking that my vulnerability made me appear weak all this time.
All I ever wanted was to be loved by you
All I ever desired was to be loved by you.
Does my absence keep you awake at night as you think about the person I am?
Does my absence haunt you at night as you contemplate the person I've become?
Or have you accepted your shortcomings as a so called father?
Or have you acknowledged your shortcomings as a supposed father?
Am I even worth the time to take up that space in your mind?
Am I even worth the time to occupy space in your thoughts?
I knew I was a mistake, I just wish you never said it to my face
I knew I was a mistake; I just wish you never verbalized it to my face.
I'm so sorry that I wished that you loved me
I regret wishing for your love.
I'm so sorry that I want you around
I'm sorry for desiring your presence.
Does this make me easier to love?
Does this make me more lovable?
Knowing that I've become the better person
Knowing that I've evolved into a better person.
I've done this all on my own
I've navigated life independently without your assistance.
No thanks to you
No thanks to you.
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