It's Not Cricket

Tales of Scandal and Stag Nights: It's Not Cricket
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Lyrics

She used to do a topless down at the Surrey Docks

Describes a woman who used to perform topless at Surrey Docks with tassels on her body.

With tassels on her whatsits she did a t'riffic job

She did an impressive job, attracting attention and raising eyebrows during lunchtime.

Of raising all the eyebrows of every lunchtime mob

She associated with men who play sports and claim their club is the best; she kissed many of them.

She went with all the tossers who kick about a ball

References her encounters with men who play ball sports.

They say their club's the greatest, and she has kissed them all

Highlights her interactions with men who boast about their sports club.

At the Arndale Center, she's up against the wall

At the Arndale Center, she faces criticism or judgment, possibly for her lifestyle.

I can't name names cause that's not cricket

Expresses an inability to disclose specific names due to a sense of fairness or decency.

I can't name names that would put me in it

Reiterates the reluctance to name individuals to avoid involvement in a controversial situation.

But that's another story in the finish

Suggests that the untold stories may be revealed later, creating anticipation.

I saw them at the pictures a tangled heap of love

Describes a scene at the movies where a man is romantically involved with multiple women.

He had so many women, but only classy stuff

The man is portrayed as having high standards in his choice of women.

I saw him at the clinic, a pink card up his cuff

Reveals a visit to the clinic, hinting at potential health issues related to his relationships.

One holiday in Bognor a stag night hit the town

Recalls a stag night in Bognor where the groom is found in a compromising position.

The groom is in the car park with his trousers down

Describes a humorous situation involving the groom in a car park.

But that's another story that won't be going round

Indicates that the specific story won't circulate widely.

I can't name names cause that's not cricket

Reiterates the reluctance to name names due to a sense of propriety.

I can't name names that would put me in it

Underlines the refusal to divulge names to avoid personal implications.

But that's another story in the finish

Teases that there might be more to the stories, building intrigue.


The Deptford had a beano to Southend for the night

Describes a lively outing to Southend by the Deptford group with a significant amount of alcohol.

With forty crates of lager, to see the Southend lights

They return home intoxicated after enjoying the Southend lights.

The got home for their breakfast pissed out of their minds

Highlights the excessive drinking during the night out.

This girl gave me the minces so I asked her for a dance

Narrates an encounter with a girl, possibly for a dance.

And in the death I kissed her and so I took a chance

Describes a kiss during the dance, taking a chance with the girl.

And when I went to touch her, she tried to break my arm

Reveals a sudden aggressive reaction from the girl when attempting further physical contact.

I can't name names cause that's not cricket

Restates the hesitance to disclose specific names due to a sense of fairness.

I can't name names that would put me in it

Reiterates the avoidance of naming names to prevent personal entanglement.

But that's another story in the finish

Teases that there might be more stories to come, maintaining suspense.

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