I'll Never Go Back on Loch Ness
Nessie's Secret Tale: A Chilling Loch Ness Encounter
Lyrics
In a neat little pub near the banks of Loch Ness
In a pub close to Loch Ness
Is where I met Hamish McGlinn
Met a person named Hamish McGlinn
We started to chat about this and 'bout that
Engaged in casual conversation
And I knew he was reeling me in
Felt he was being drawn in
Said he if you buy me a glass of the best
Offered a deal for a secret
I'll tell you a secret I've kept
Secretive story promised
'Tis a terrible story both gruesome and gory
Story described as terrible and gruesome
And one that I'd sooner forget
Desire to forget the story
So I bought him a dram and he swallowed it down
Bought him a drink
Saying I'm honest as the next man can be
Claimed honesty
It's the truth I swear by not a word of a lie
Emphasized truthfulness
And here's what he said to me
Shared what happened
I'll never go back on Loch Ness
Expressed refusal to return to Loch Ness
I'll never go back on Loch Ness
Reiterated refusal
You can think what you like but I don't give a shite
Indifference to others' opinions
For I'll never go back on Loch Ness
Firm stance on not going back
I was fishing one night by the light of the moon
Described a fishing expedition and confidence
Just me and my little row boat
-The water was calm and you couldn't go wrong
-And I had a wee flask in me coat
-A salmon or trout would be lovely for tea
-And would look very nice in the pan
-I felt rather smug with a smile on me mug
-Saying boy that's a wonderful plan
-I'll never go back on Loch Ness
Encountered a terrifying creature
I'll never go back on Loch Ness
-You can think what you like but I don't give a shite
-For I'll never go back on Loch Ness
-I took a wee sip just to ward off the cold
-For the weather had taken a turn
-Then lightning did flash and I heard a big splash
-And the water around me did churn
-When up from the deep came a creature from hell
-'Twas a terrible sight to take in
-The old tales were right and I got such a fright
-That I nearly jumped out of me skin
-I'll never go back on Loch Ness
Described a frightening pursuit
I'll never go back on Loch Ness
-You can think what you like but I don't give a shite
-For I'll never go back on Loch Ness
-It was sixty feet long from its head to its tail
-And its mouthful of teeth smiled with glee
-I knew the great beast was ready to feast
-On a poor fisherman such as me
-I jumped to the oars like a Viking gone mad
-And I made that row boat fairly fly
-But as fast as I raced it easily kept pace
-Glaring down with two big hungry eyes
-I'll never go back on Loch Ness
Restated refusal amidst danger
I'll never go back on Loch Ness
-You can think what you like but I don't give a shite
-For I'll never go back on Loch Ness
-With a flip of its tail it capsized the boat
Described survival and gratitude
And I was flung into the drink
-I sputtered and coughed and drank half the loch
-And me life passed me by in a wink
-So it must have been luck or divine intervention
-That saved me from such an ordeal
-Now I'll need some more drink for it's painful to think
-That I nearly was Nessie's next meal
-I'll never go back on Loch Ness
Final affirmation of refusal
I'll never go back on Loch Ness
-You can think what you like but I don't give a shite
-For I'll never go back on Loch Ness
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