The Pleasure to Kill and Grind
Dark Reflections: Exploring Inner Turmoil
Lyrics
The signs were always there
The signs of my troubled nature were always present.
Sensing the edges
I could sense the boundaries or limits of my actions and emotions.
Couldn't separate love from hate
I struggled to distinguish between feelings of love and hate.
My body feels absolutely numb
I feel emotionally detached, as if my body is numb.
Trial and error about what's triggers me
I went through trial and error to understand what triggers my emotions.
Don't like the answer what to do
I don't like the answers I find regarding what to do with these triggers.
Patterns are show from zero
Patterns in my behavior are evident from the beginning.
Narcissistic soul
There is a self-centered or narcissistic aspect to my soul.
Feelings absorbed to none
I have difficulty connecting with or absorbing emotions from others.
Cold stone I am
I am emotionally cold and unfeeling, like a stone.
The Parents could not see
My parents were unable to see the issues within me.
But I showed them
Despite their inability to see, I made my issues apparent to them.
Could not help my self
I couldn't resist destructive behaviors even though I couldn't help myself.
Not really know what I felt
I lacked self-awareness and didn't truly understand my own feelings.
Some kind of relief
Engaging in destructive actions brought a sense of relief.
When I pierced them countlessly
I found relief in repeatedly causing harm or piercing others.
Love created a thick fog
Love created confusion and obscured my judgment.
Blood give a temporally warm
The act of causing bloodshed provided a temporary sense of warmth.
Not expected this mess
I did not anticipate the chaos that resulted from my actions.
How to clean up
I am unsure how to rectify or clean up the mess I created.
Faking my emotions to blend in
I pretended or faked my emotions to fit in with others.
Feeling like jackal and hide
I felt like I had two contrasting personalities, similar to Jekyll and Hyde.
Used my search engine
I relied on technology or online platforms to seek connection.
Condemned for digital friends online
I faced criticism or condemnation from online friends.
What they felt, I like to feel
I desired to experience the emotions of others.
Try to convert that energy into me
I attempted to absorb and internalize the energy or emotions of others.
A cannibalistic solution felt right
A solution involving consuming others, metaphorically or literally, felt appropriate.
Raw or cooked it both good by me
Whether in a raw or cooked state, consuming others seemed acceptable to me.
The Parents could not see
Similar to lines 13-18, the parents were unaware of my deeper issues.
But I showed them
Despite their ignorance, I made my issues evident to them.
Could not help my self
I couldn't resist destructive behaviors even though I couldn't help myself.
Not really know what I felt
I lacked self-awareness and didn't truly understand my own feelings.
Killed
I engaged in killing or causing harm.
Sliced
I engaged in slicing or cutting, likely referring to self-harm or harm to others.
Grind
I engaged in grinding, possibly symbolizing a destructive or dehumanizing process.
Prepared
I prepared for the act of causing harm or destruction.
Comfort food
The destructive actions provide a perverse sense of comfort or satisfaction.
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