Staying Mellow Blows
Journey of Heartbreak and Redemption: Staying Mellow Blows
Lyrics
I left my place for Montreal
I departed from my home to go to Montreal.
I needed space, I didn't mean all summer
I needed some personal space, and it wasn't intended to last the entire summer.
You came with us to the Capital
You joined us on a trip to the Capital.
Locked you down for those three dates, you're such a runner
We committed to specific plans, but you tend to avoid commitment.
When we got to that ghosty town
Arriving at a deserted town, the sun had set, and the fog had lifted.
The sun was down and all the fog was gone
Feeling unwell, I remained silent as you joked around during the journey.
I felt sick, I didn't talk on the way, you clowned around
The next day, you expressed gratitude for the ride to Saint John.
The next day you thanked us all for driving you to Saint John
Leaving the bus, I felt relieved not to confront certain issues.
As we pulled away from the bus
Heading south, west, and then back east, there wasn't much to discuss initially.
I felt lighter cuz I wasn't ready to confront it all
Arriving in my favorite city but playing at the wrong venue.
Back then there wasn't much to discuss
Frustrated and without explanation, I distanced myself.
But as we travelled south and west and then back east into the fall
Missed the first band while returning at ten, feeling like an outsider.
In my favourite city but playing the wrong place
Questioning my presence if not to connect with others.
At some stupid speakeasy, an imposter again
During a low point, I chose not to check on your well-being.
I was angrily and without explanation taking space
Reflecting on this in Quebec, aiming to work through the situation gradually.
Missed the first band on the roster as I rolled back in at ten
First pause for reflection during Dove Lady's set in Washington, DC.
And I felt like an asshole many times but really then
The weight of emotions surfaced in Hot Springs despite enjoyable activities.
Why was I even there if not to take in other humans?
Feeling trapped, akin to swimming in a deteriorating environment.
But when I felt my worst I am sure was when
Playing for a crowd, my inner turmoil intensified.
I decided to reach out but not to see how you were doin
Emotional breakdown in Oklahoma, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and Davis.
That was all the way in Quebec
Sensing the breakdown, someone recounted their contributions.
And I want to slowly work my way through it
Lost composure in Arcata, collapsed emotionally in BC.
The first time I stopped and breathed for a sec
Regaining strength as we headed back east, counting the challenging days.
Was in Washington, DC at the Dove Lady set
At 26, feeling lost but somewhat rediscovering myself in New Brunswick.
Hot Springs was heavy even though we swam and drank
'Pantoum' triggered the deepest pain, as you mistakenly called me by another's name.
All I could think about was carrying you home
Despite crossing coasts multiple times, I would have traveled even further for you.
I felt like I was swimming in a rotten old fish tank
To prove my dedication, I wrote a hurtful letter, seeking freedom from the pain.
Playing for a hundred people in a sweaty bar alone
However, it didn't bring the expected freedom; the pain returned.
Oklahoma, Las Vegas, Los Angeles and Davis
Returning to Montreal, scanning the crowd for any sign of you despite the struggles.
I started breaking down and thought about some buses back
He could feel it so he rattled off everything he gave us
-By Arcata I had lost it and in BC I collapsed
-And then I got back up as we turned around back east
-And I counted up the time it had been six days and five weeks
-And I was 26 and as lost as I'd ever been
-We crossed from Maine into New Brunswick and I felt a bit like me
-Pantoum was the one that hurt the most
-It was where you called me by her name
-At that point I had already been coast to coast to coast
-But with you I would have gone a longer way
-So to prove that to you, I wrote you that nasty letter
-I wanted to hurt you like you had hurt me
-And I told you not to write me back like I somehow knew better
-And it killed me but I wanted to be free
-But it didn't set me free, it just came around to me
-And by the time that we got back to Montreal
-I was scanning every face in the crowd just to see
-If you'd shown up in spite of it all.
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