any kind of happy
Eternal Struggle: Unraveling the Turmoil Within Ethan Jewell's 'Any Kind of Happy'
Lyrics
Once I get out of my bed I swear that I'll do it
Expressing commitment to take action once out of bed.
Nightmares in my head take room from dreams, I can't pursue it
Nightmares hinder pursuing dreams, creating a struggle.
Rotations of creations that I push into my past
Reflecting on past creations and pushing them away.
Because I'm infinitely too depressed for all of this to last
Feeling overwhelmed by depression, doubting its duration.
I don't bother to say hi because I'd rather be alone
Choosing solitude over social interaction.
And I never say goodbye whenever I hang up the phone
Difficulty in expressing goodbyes, perhaps due to emotional attachment.
Because my stupid brain gets too attached to everyone I meet
Struggling with emotional attachment to people met.
And the ones I really love are the ones that I can't keep
Expressing difficulty in maintaining relationships with loved ones.
I swear it's done tomorrow, but I know that that's a lie
Promising change tomorrow but acknowledging it as a lie.
And I'd tell my mom I love her, but instead let out a sigh
Unable to express love to family, opting for a sigh instead.
Complicated ends to simple stupid problems
Describing complex solutions to seemingly simple problems.
And I'd let you get closer to me, but I tie a noose too often
Keeping emotional distance due to frequent negative thoughts.
Because I'm too depressed, I'm far too stressed, I'm running out of options
Feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and limited in choices.
I can't hear me yet, you could have guessed, my heart is up for auction
Expressing a sense of emotional detachment, as if heart is for sale.
Come quickly, quietly, or else my brain may get afraid
Fearing the potential fear that may arise in a relationship.
Of holding on to love from my relationships I've made
Struggling to hold on to love in relationships.
I love too far, I love too fast, my love's run out of time
Acknowledging a pattern of loving too intensely and too quickly.
For myself, I drink, until my death, my life's burnt down the line
Using drinking as a coping mechanism for self-destructive tendencies.
I wonder if you think of me whenever you get lonely
Questioning if others think of the person in moments of loneliness.
Because the love you gave to me last week, I swear it wasn't phony
Doubting the sincerity of recent love received.
I'll write a note, I'll send it off with no address attached
Contemplating sending a note without revealing identity for security.
That way I can be certain that my heart isn't unlatched
Seeking reassurance that emotions are not vulnerable or exposed.
The wind soars fast beneath me and I plummet through my dreams
Imagining a fast descent through dreams, possibly reflecting turmoil.
My heart zips down, my stomach turns, my brain rips at its seams
Experiencing physical and emotional turmoil simultaneously.
I don't think that I was built for any kind of happy
Expressing a belief that personal happiness is unattainable.
Because this rotting in my bed, it isn't romantic, and it definitely isn't sappy
Rejecting the romanticized view of the current state as undesirable.
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