You'll Only End Up Joining Them
Navigating Shadows: A Tale of Struggle and Redemption
Lyrics
Tonight I'm posed and popping like a peacock
Tonight, I'm presenting myself boldly and flamboyantly.
I'm pressing flesh, I'm smiling big, my spinning head sings "Stop, just stop"
I'm engaging with people, putting on a happy facade, but internally feeling overwhelmed, urging myself to stop.
Cause what used to calm me down
Things that used to soothe or calm me down in the past are now causing chaos and distress.
Just rips my life to ribbons now
What once brought comfort now shatters my life into pieces.
So I keep smiling, I find my window and quick cut out
To cope, I maintain a smile but swiftly escape through an exit (physically or mentally).
These days my hangman's hunger makes my gut kick
Presently, my intense craving or longing for something feels unsettling in my stomach.
My sleeping mind, could map it blind
Even in my sleep, I can navigate this craving without needing direction.
A flask, a key, a bag, a fifth
Items associated with addiction or escape: a flask, a key (perhaps to unlock something), a bag, and a bottle.
I try to will myself away
I attempt to force myself to leave or distance from this situation.
While shouting habits plead their case
However, ingrained behaviors and routines strongly appeal for their continuation.
So when the sun sears through my eyes
When morning comes, my mind struggles to find a compromise or middle ground.
My beggar's brain can't compromise
My mind, in a desperate state, cannot find a solution that satisfies its needs.
I splash cold water, I draw the curtains, I stay inside
To cope, I resort to mundane activities like splashing cold water or isolating myself indoors.
And I can't say that it's a sickness, more like a stranger I ask in
I don't see this as an illness, rather as an unfamiliar aspect I've invited into my life.
And later realize, was a strangler
Later realizing that this unfamiliarity brought harm or danger.
Slipping nooses in my den
It's like setting traps or situations that harm me within my own comfort zone.
But I was lonely so I asked him, "Would you tie that one on me?"
Feeling lonely, I invited this harmful presence, almost asking for trouble despite knowing better.
It wasn't his fault, I was eager, and I was weak
Recognizing my own eagerness and vulnerability, not placing blame on the harmful presence.
So as I inch towards resolution
As I move closer to finding a solution or conclusion,
Yea I'm not sure which life feels right
I'm uncertain which path or lifestyle would be more fitting or appropriate for me.
A narrow noose or the wading water
Considering between a constricted, suffocating situation or navigating uncertain, potentially dangerous waters.
The hanging head, sore open eyes
Feeling defeated, with a bowed head and exhausted eyes.
I know my brother he went one way
Reflecting on someone close who chose a different path in a similar situation.
And at the fork I heard him say
At a crucial decision point, this person advised against following their mistakes.
"Don't you follow, don't go making my mistakes"
Warning not to replicate their errors or choices.
And I realized what he meant
Understanding the underlying message behind their cautionary advice.
Don't kill yourself to raise the dead
Realizing the futility of sacrificing oneself to revive something that's already lost.
It never works you'll only end up joining them
Understanding that attempting to save something lost leads only to joining it in its loss or demise.
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