Lyrics
I feel it coming they tell me im next up
I sense that success is approaching, and people say it's my turn.
But i don't know if i want it
Uncertain if I desire the success they speak of.
Im taking these meds to numb out the pressure
Using medication to numb the stress and pressure.
Shaking in bed at night pain doesn't let up
Experiencing intense pain at night, hindering rest.
I could be better but i don't wanna be
Acknowledging the potential for improvement but hesitant to pursue it.
I ain't showing any interest in healing
Not actively seeking or showing interest in healing.
Overtaken by the strangest of feelings
Feeling overwhelmed by unusual emotions.
Overtaken by the voice of these demons
Battling inner demons and their voices.
You can pretend but you don't understand it
Others may pretend to understand, but true comprehension is lacking.
I don't regret i just wish i could vanish
No regrets, but a desire to escape or disappear.
I can't forget and forgive i am damaged
Struggling with the inability to forget and forgive, feeling damaged.
I lost a whole fucking year to the xannies
Lost a significant amount of time to the use of Xanax.
Nothing is going the way that i planned it
Things are not going as planned in life.
Nothing is guaranteed on this planet
No guarantees in life on this planet.
I kinda preferred when i didn't have purpose
Expressing a preference for a time without a clear purpose.
When will i learn that this
Questioning when the realization will come that life may not be worthwhile.
Life isn't worth it
Life seems not worth living.
They all warned us, all the greats
Acknowledging warnings from influential figures in the past.
Drugs imported they from interstate
References to the use of drugs, possibly illegally obtained.
What is this feeling i cannot get rid of it
Experiencing an indescribable and persistent feeling.
I tried to switch it up plenty of times
Attempts to change circumstances have been unsuccessful.
Stuck in the deep caught up
Feeling trapped in a profound and complex situation.
In the abyss of it
Immersed in the depth and complexity of the situation.
I wanna die but im better alive
Expressing a desire for death but recognizing the value of being alive.
I wanna cry but im dead in the eyes
Expressing emotional numbness and inability to cry.
Im tryna figure out why but im too high
Seeking understanding for the reasons behind current emotions but hindered by drug use.
Running in circles im losing my mind
Feeling stuck in repetitive and unproductive patterns, experiencing mental turmoil.
Im forgetful i sweat like a
Forgetful and physically affected, possibly due to substance use.
Bitch in the night
Experiencing intense stress and anxiety at night.
When will the rain over me ever let up
Longing for relief from continuous struggles.
When does the pain die so i can just get up
Questioning when the pain will end, allowing for a fresh start.
Fuck it im outta here next
Deciding to leave or give up if there are no positive changes in the coming year.
Year if nothin changes
Expressing a desire to disappear if circumstances do not improve.
Im gonna disappear if i don't make it
If unsuccessful, a request not to be included in memorial playlists after death.
When i die don't put me in playlists
Expressing a contemplation on the consequences of death.
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