Ashtray
Navigating the Maze of Bad Habits and Insecurities
Lyrics
All my bad habits piling up till my back breaks,
The accumulation of my negative behaviors is becoming unbearable, leading to immense pressure.
All my insecurities they team up and attack me
My lack of confidence and self-doubts join forces to overwhelm and harm me.
All my bad decisions always lead me to the ashtray
My poor choices consistently result in disappointment and regret, symbolized by the ashtray.
All my favorite people seem to move right past me
Despite my attachment, the people I care about seem to move on without acknowledging me.
You won't catch me vulnerable
I avoid displaying vulnerability or weakness.
I bottle up all of my thoughts until I can't no more
I suppress my thoughts until I'm unable to contain them any longer.
And then I'll sink into this alcohol
I turn to alcohol as a means of escape.
The bottles all I really need when I go fall apart
Alcohol becomes my sole necessity when I feel like falling apart.
I'm so sorry I'm hostile, let me call you tomorrow
I apologize for my current hostile behavior and plan to reach out later.
Right now I'm an imposter, my feelings aren't real
I feel like a fake or pretender because my emotions don't feel genuine.
I'm supposed to be happy, always joking and laughing
There's an expectation for me to be cheerful and humorous, but it feels forced.
Always wearing my mask, to hide whatever I feel
I consistently wear a metaphorical mask to hide my true feelings.
All my bad habits piling up till my back breaks,
(Repeated) The buildup of my negative behaviors is reaching a breaking point.
All my insecurities they team up and attack me
(Repeated) My insecurities unite to attack and overwhelm me.
All my bad decisions always lead me to the ashtray
(Repeated) My poor decisions consistently lead to regret and disappointment.
All my favorite people seem to move right past me
(Repeated) Despite my affection, the people I cherish seem to move on without me.
All my good habits seem to go away, desert me
My positive habits tend to disappear and leave me.
All my insecurities they turn around and hurt me
My insecurities, instead of supporting me, end up causing harm.
All my good decisions seem to screw me over some way
My good decisions seem to have negative repercussions in some way.
All my favorite people gonna fuck me over one day
I fear that even the people I love will betray or hurt me eventually.
Someday soon, maybe I can get some help
I hope for a time when I might find assistance or support.
Maybe I can meet a person with whom I'll share all my doubts
I long to meet someone with whom I can share my uncertainties.
And we can, fend off all the shitty memories
Together, we could confront and overcome the painful memories haunting me.
That seem to haunt me from when I was seventeen
Past experiences from my youth continue to torment me.
I got one, two three, four, monsters on my doorstep
I face numerous challenges or demons at my doorstep.
Five, six, seven, eight drinks when I'm upset
When upset, I tend to consume a significant amount of drinks.
Nine, ten, drop dead, gorgeous and misleading
The attractiveness of someone may be misleading and harmful.
I haven't been okay, since the day you said you're leaving
I've struggled emotionally since the moment you departed.
All my bad habits piling up till my back breaks,
(Repeated) The accumulation of my negative behaviors continues to escalate.
All my insecurities they team up and attack me
(Repeated) My insecurities persist in attacking and overwhelming me.
All my bad decisions always lead me to the ashtray
(Repeated) My poor decisions consistently lead to disappointment and regret.
All my favorite people seem to move right past me
(Repeated) Despite my affection, the people I cherish seem to move on without acknowledging me.
All my good habits seem to go away, desert me
My positive habits tend to vanish and leave me behind.
All my insecurities they turn around and hurt me
My insecurities, instead of supporting me, end up causing harm.
All my good decisions seem to screw me over some way
My good decisions seem to result in negative consequences.
All my favorite people gonna fuck me over one day
I fear that even the people I love will eventually betray or hurt me.
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