Lyrics
In a flat going back and forth like racket ball
In a monotonous situation, going back and forth like a racket ball.
Fuck a dream all they ever chasin' is packs of raw
Rejecting aspirations, focusing only on pursuing illicit substances.
I saw a baggy in her cupboard - what was that all for?
Discovering drugs in someone's possession, questioning the purpose.
Questioning myself like i don't even know my self no more
Feeling lost and unsure of one's identity, leading to self-reflection.
Holding up my head - I feel like sinking but that's overboard
Maintaining composure despite feeling overwhelmed, avoiding sinking into despair.
Still living off these rations - I feel like Im bout’ to go to war
Surviving on limited resources, anticipating a metaphorical battle.
Everybody keep lying to my face but they never show remorse
Experiencing deception without remorse from those around.
I doubt myself with everything I try coz i get low support
Lacking confidence due to minimal support for personal endeavors.
Think of all that wasted time I barely coped at all
Reflecting on wasted time and struggling to cope with challenges.
She said that she'd be round at 5 - I still don't know the score
Uncertainty and confusion about a promised meeting time.
She's playing games - I put up walls around me I don't throw the ball
Building emotional walls in response to perceived games and insincerity.
I'm keeping to myself coz theres no one with me when i go to court
Isolating oneself due to lack of companionship during legal proceedings.
Cats will say they got your back but the fact is that's mostly talk
Distrust in professed loyalty, recognizing that words often lack substance.
Drugs the only thing they phone me for so I get low patients
Receiving attention only for drug-related matters, resulting in impatience.
Homies hand me benzo's and I swear they know I don't take em
Friends offering medication despite knowing the individual refuses to take it.
How’d i get this low down - Im feeling like i won't make it
Feeling emotionally and physically drained, doubting the ability to endure.
Bones aching- I can feel my hands and legs are both shaking
Experiencing physical pain and anxiety, manifesting in shaking limbs.
Scratching like a fiend with a note and some coke waiting
Describing intense cravings and anticipation for drugs.
Theres no way they wanna know my thoughts before I go to sleep
Expressing a desire for privacy in one's thoughts before sleep.
Im looking for some help that I won't find coz I bin low for weeks
Seeking help unsuccessfully during a prolonged period of low mood.
I spoke to people - even doctors said that there’s no hope for me
Receiving discouraging messages from professionals about the chances of improvement.
Im over this I feel like I can't focus like a hopeless fiend
Overwhelmed and unable to concentrate, feeling akin to a desperate addict.
Said Im over this - I feel like I can't focus like a hopeless fiend
Reiteration of feeling overwhelmed and unable to focus.
There's gotta be a reason it turned out like this
Expressing a need to understand why life took a negative turn.
Only got me and myself to blame
Taking sole responsibility for personal circumstances.
Treating everybody like a piece of shit
Treating others poorly due to self-centered behavior.
I hate that Im stuck in my selfish ways
Regretting being trapped in selfish habits.
Stuck at the bottom with no help to chase
Struggling at the bottom with no external assistance.
No bucks in my pocket and no funds to pay
Financially destitute, lacking the means to meet obligations.
Looking like I need to eat a hundred steaks
Physically emaciated, emphasizing extreme deprivation.
Im underweight from drugs I take and can't numb the pain
Underweight due to drug use, unable to numb emotional pain.
Everyone around me looking at me like Im not the same
Others noticing a negative change in behavior and demeanor.
But half those cats are off their face from rock and cane
Observing hypocritical behavior in those who criticize drug use.
Options change and everybody got a bone to pick - I know their ways
Acknowledging shifting circumstances and recognizing others' hidden motives.
I don't think ill ever get a sober day
Expressing doubt about achieving a day without substance use.
Thats fucked up- I need to learn how to cope with pain
Recognizing the need to learn healthy coping mechanisms for pain.
This path that I took is a hard road to take
Acknowledging the difficulty of the chosen life path.
I put that on myself- I got no one to blame
Taking full responsibility for the consequences of personal choices.
Naahhh - Theres no one to blame but myself
Rejecting the idea of blaming others for personal struggles.
I don't even know what I could say for some help
Expressing difficulty in seeking help and articulating feelings.
I swear that Im breaking inside from the pain that I felt
Suffering internally from overwhelming pain.
Take my advice- you don't wanna live a life like this
Advising against living a life filled with hardship and regret.
I bin taken them L’s
Experiencing repeated losses and challenges.
Day after day I don't see nothin else
Expressing a sense of hopelessness and a lack of alternative perspectives.
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