Everything She Touches Turns to Gold
Golden Transformations: Navigating the Complexities of Childhood Memories
Lyrics
When I was a child the world was very very big and very strange
Reflecting on the vastness and peculiarity of the world during childhood.
Now nothing seems to have changed since I was a child
Perception that nothing significant has changed since childhood.
Nervous, shy and insecure I stumbled into adulthood and it hurt
Transitioning into adulthood was awkward, nervous, and painful.
It hurt so very much, more than I could feel
The pain of growing up was intense and difficult to express.
But mother didn't want me so she gave me to my sister like a toy
Rejected by mother, given to sister as if a possession.
A frightened little boy, big sister's little toy
Depicting vulnerability as a scared boy in the care of an older sister.
But my eldest sister was the apple of my father's eye she did no wrong
Eldest sister favored by father, seen as perfect and faultless.
With her I did belong, she gave all her love to me
Feeling a sense of belonging and love from the eldest sister.
I could never forgive you, but I'd never forget you
Expressing inability to forgive but acknowledging the enduring memory.
I could never forgive you although you did me wrong
Reiterating the difficulty of forgiveness despite the wrongs committed.
My sister felt my father's hand, my father's belt you know I never did
Contrasting experiences of parental discipline between siblings.
And in the strangest way they make me feel unloved
Feeling unloved in a peculiar way due to family dynamics.
Catholic school the pain the guilt my story is no different to tell
Referencing the common experience of pain and guilt in Catholic school.
Every young man's hell there just waiting for the bell
Describing the shared hardships of young men in such educational environments.
And confidence came fleetingly and left as soon the same way that it came
Brief moments of confidence followed by deep shame.
Slowly out the way and left me deep in shame
Confidence fleeting, leaving a lasting sense of shame.
I wish I could love myself and tell myself there's more to life than this
Yearning for self-love and a belief in a better life.
I held it my in my hands, I had it in my hands
Having something valuable but unable to hold onto it.
I could never forgive you, I could never forget you
Repeating the challenge of forgiveness despite enduring memories.
I could never forgive you although you did me wrong
Reiterating the struggle to forgive despite being wronged.
My parents said I wasn't planned, nine and eleven years between sisters and me
Being an unplanned child with significant age gaps between siblings.
They nearly gave me away, I think they did too, anyway
Hinting at the possibility of being given away as a child.
I never thought I would forgive [__________]
Unfinished line, suggesting uncertainty or a reluctance to forgive.
They put her in a cage, I was seven years of age
Depicting a traumatic event of someone being confined at a young age.
And it could never be this when she let me stay up late she let me stay
Positive memories associated with the caregiver who allowed staying up late.
She cuddled me and said "You'll be too big for this one day."
A tender moment with the caregiver foreseeing the child's growth.
"You'll be too big for this one day."
Repetition emphasizing the caregiver's foresight into the child's future.
Everything she touches turns to gold
The title: Everything she touches turns to gold - possibly an idealization of the caregiver.
May I be so bold, let me know just how it feels
Expressing a desire to understand the caregiver's experience and feelings.
May I be so bold, let me know just how it feels
Reiterating the desire to know the caregiver's emotions.
Everything she touches turns to gold
Repeating the notion that everything touched turns to gold.
May I be so bold, let me know just how it feels
Continuing the request for insight into the caregiver's feelings.
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