A Shoulder to Die On
Emotional Turmoil and Attachment: A Reflection on Pain and Care
Lyrics
I found acceptance in you being sad
Expressing finding solace or understanding in someone's sadness.
For me to be with you I never felt so glad
Feeling immense joy and fulfillment in being with the person.
That you were here and you're still breathing
Acknowledging the person's presence and continued existence.
I got attached to your life as much as the fearing
Developing a strong emotional connection and fear of losing the person.
And you asked if I'd be sad
The person inquired about potential sadness if they were to leave.
If you left a note that "it wouldn't be so bad"
Considering the impact of leaving a note and minimizing its severity.
You said "if I ended it all tonight
Sharing thoughts on contemplating self-harm or suicide.
I hope you know it's not your fault, alright?"
Assuring that the listener is not responsible for the potential actions.
What the fuck do you expect me to say?
Expressing frustration and uncertainty about how to respond.
What the fuck do you expect me to say?
Repeating the frustration and the difficulty in finding words.
When I was six years old
Recalling a childhood experience of distress or anxiety.
I used to tear my hair out thinking it would solve
Describing a coping mechanism of tearing hair out in response to stress.
The itch in my head I couldn't quite scratch
Reflecting on an unresolved emotional struggle in the past.
And I've recovered since then but I could never go back and now
Acknowledging recovery but recognizing the irreversible nature of certain experiences.
Maybe that is why I never cut my hair
Linking the fear of past actions to a reluctance to change appearance.
I'm scared of when I used to tear it out without a care
Fearful of the carelessness associated with past actions.
From all the second-hand stress
Referring to the stress experienced indirectly from others.
I heard the door slam when you left
Recalling a moment of departure with a slamming door.
And you never said goodnight
Highlighting the absence of a farewell and the emotional impact.
No, you never said goodnight
Reiterating the lack of a proper goodbye.
And I'm scared that in the end
Expressing fear that only a semblance of happiness will remain.
The remains of my smile are the only thing left
Comparing oneself to a sponge, absorbing emotional burdens.
Like a sponge for emotional baggage
Anticipating the accumulation of emotional baggage.
And one day it's gonna pile up too high
Expressing concern about the potential overwhelming burden.
I'm not the pillow that you take your anger out on to
Rejecting the role of being a passive target for someone's anger.
I don't wanna be the only one who cares
Declining to be the sole caretaker of another's emotions.
I'm not the pillow that you take your anger out on to
Repeating the refusal to be a receptacle for anger.
I don't wanna be the only one who cares
Reiterating the desire not to bear the sole responsibility for caring.
I'm not the pillow that you take your anger out on to
Emphasizing the refusal to be an emotional punching bag.
I don't wanna be the only one who cares
Continuing to reject the role of being the only caregiver.
I'm not the pillow that you take your anger out on to
Repeating the rejection of being a target for anger.
I don't wanna be the only one who cares
Declining to bear the sole burden of caring for someone else.
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