Lyrics
Every day I'm walking I feel like I'm followed home
Feeling constantly followed when walking, creating unease.
But by the time I'm looking I'm nervous and all alone
Nervous and alone when trying to identify the perceived threat.
Anomalies haunting me trying to break my hollow bones
Haunted by anomalies, facing challenges that threaten vulnerability.
I'm just trying to make it out but I'm trapped in a wall of stone
Struggling to break free from a confining and challenging situation.
Confined and locked inside the whole time I've been on my own
Isolated and confined, facing personal challenges alone.
Got enough cash for the month and I'll stay afloat
Financial stability for the month, navigating a precarious situation.
That walking on a rope and your luck will go corrode
Risks and uncertainties in life that may corrode one's luck.
And every choice you made you'll learn to reap what you sow
Consequences of choices, emphasizing the principle of reaping what is sown.
Spent too many days that I wasted and thrown away
Regret over wasted days and a desire for a different outcome.
Wishing for the end and I promise I'm not afraid
A willingness to face the end without fear.
Spent too many nights up smoking I feel the same
Nights spent in contemplation while feeling unchanged.
And some of these feelings I swear it's like they never change
Continuity of certain emotions that seem resistant to change.
So I take some things change chemistry in my brain
Seeking solace in altering one's brain chemistry to cope.
And when you ask me why I know but I can't explain
Aware of the reasons but unable to explain them.
I got no fucking words these people don't know my pain
Difficulty expressing the depth of personal pain to others.
But it was all my fault and it seems I'm the one to blame
Taking responsibility for past mistakes and acknowledging blame.
I wish that every time I'd close my eyes I'd fall asleep
Desire for a peaceful escape every time eyes are closed.
And that you trusted me enough to tell the secrets that you keep
Wishing for trust and openness in sharing intimate secrets.
But if I was deprived of all the air we take and breathe
Imagining the impact of losing essential elements of life.
I bet you'd turn around and not look back the moment that you'd leave
Anticipating abandonment if deprived of vital aspects.
They told me go with caution keep it at my discretion
Received advice to proceed with caution in relationships.
But to me you stuck out and left a lasting impression
Feeling a strong and lasting impact from a particular person.
The subject of all my dreams and everlasting obsession
Being obsessed with dreams and thoughts about a specific individual.
And I admit the fear of loss had led to lack of progression
Fear of loss hindering personal progress and growth.
I thought that if I tried we'd never come speak again
Fear that an attempt to reconcile may lead to permanent silence.
And that you'd try to hurt me I'd turn into a regret
Anticipating emotional harm and potential regret from reconciliation.
And that I'd get upset and try meeting a tragic end
Fearing emotional distress and a tragic outcome.
Didn't even ask or wonder where I had went
Not being concerned about one's whereabouts and well-being.
Took a step back and had taken my lesson learned
Reflecting on past experiences and learning from mistakes.
Nothing is perfect and nothing's sure that it'll work
Acknowledging imperfection and uncertainty in life.
Not like it matters my time alive has been a curse
Expressing a sense of life being a curse with little significance.
I'm just better off dead inside a hole dug in the dirt
Considering oneself better off in a state of emotional numbness.
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