Lyrics
I was an unanswerable mess
Feeling like a mess without any clear solutions or answers.
Drunk on the house red
Intoxicated on cheap wine or alcohol served at the establishment.
Pushing all buttons that I could get
Acting impulsively and pressing all available buttons or doing everything possible.
My bitter hands upon
Hands marked by bitterness.
Masochistic kisses
Engaging in self-destructive kisses or relationships that cause pain.
All these irrational wishes
Having irrational desires or wishes.
I wish I'd known what I know now
Regretting not having knowledge or wisdom previously.
Fathers would flock to the soles of my feet
Figurative language suggesting admiration or attention from authority figures (fathers).
Latching on to some false sense of maturity
Seeking a false sense of maturity, perhaps to impress others.
They thought I was better
Others thought the person was improving, but it was a facade.
But while the South was burning
During a difficult or chaotic time, the person focused on personal growth.
I spent a decade learning
Spent years learning behaviors that were superficial and lacking depth.
How to be thinner and shallow and bold
Striving to fit into societal standards of beauty and shallowness.
Oh, here I am eating my words
Regretting what was said or promised.
Hyperaware of all that I've hurt
Highly conscious of the pain and harm caused to others.
Can you forgive me love
Begging for forgiveness from a loved one due to foolishness.
I was just foolish and young
Recognizing past behavior as naive or inexperienced.
So intent on growing up
Too focused on maturing, possibly missing out on valuable experiences.
I don't have adequate well-crafted excuses
Lacking justifications or explanations for wasting significant time.
For wasting the best years of my life
Feeling regret for squandering the prime years of life.
All that you have to say
Expecting criticism or blame from others.
Accusations thrown my way
Receiving accusations for past actions.
I deserve every one
Admitting deserving every accusation received.
I made no attempt to right my wrongs
Failure to rectify past mistakes, leaving it to someone else.
Left it up to you
Leaving the responsibility to address issues to another person.
To air the dirty laundry
Metaphorically leaving the difficult or embarrassing tasks to someone else.
Do the dirty work
Handling the consequences of a chaotic or troubled upbringing.
Pick up after my whirlwind childhood
Expecting others to clean up the mess caused by a tumultuous childhood.
Watched a life pass uneventfully
Observing life passing by without significant events.
Rushed through sentimental memories
Rushing through sentimental memories without fully experiencing or cherishing them.
And now I'm not sure where I am
Feeling lost or unsure of current position or circumstances.
Not sure how I came to be
Unsure of how the current state of being was reached.
Must have got a bit detached
Feeling disconnected or detached from oneself or surroundings.
Learning every day to just be
Every day is a learning process to simply exist without pretense.
I'm not sure where I am
Continued uncertainty about one's current state or circumstances.
Not sure how I came to be
Similar to line 35, expressing confusion about existence or circumstances.
Must have got a bit detached
Reiterating a sense of detachment from oneself or surroundings.
Learning every day to just be
Continual effort to learn how to exist authentically without facades.
I was an unanswerable mess
Reiterating feeling like a mess without clear answers or solutions.
Drunk on the house red
Repeating being intoxicated, possibly reflecting a recurring pattern.
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