Mind of My Own
Lost in Influence: Unraveling the Mind of My Own
Lyrics
It's four o' clock
Setting the time at four o'clock, possibly indicating a specific moment or routine.
The t.v.'s on
The television is on, suggesting a passive engagement with external stimuli.
My mind is shut off
The speaker's mind is intentionally closed off or detached.
And my own thoughts are gone
The speaker's personal thoughts are absent or suppressed.
I change the channel
A metaphorical action of changing the channel, possibly reflecting a desire for change.
I change my mind
The speaker is open to changing their perspective.
I change my life
A willingness to transform one's life and leave the past behind.
I wanna leave it all behind
An expressed desire to break away from current circumstances.
Cause I don't have a mind of my own
The speaker feels a lack of individuality or autonomy in their thoughts.
I am influenced by
The speaker acknowledges being influenced by external factors.
Everything I see
An admission of susceptibility to external influences.
And I can't help it now
An inability to control the impact of external influences.
Everything in my life
Others control or dictate the speaker's thoughts and decisions.
Just thinks for me
The speaker is trapped in a pattern where external forces dictate their life.
Can't help this habit
An acknowledgment of being addicted to destructive habits.
I'm in love with my disease
The speaker is in love with self-destructive behavior or choices.
Worshiping my idle time
Worshiping or glorifying unproductive and idle activities.
A life I cannot seize
A sense of being unable to seize opportunities in life.
Trapped by depression
The speaker is trapped by depression, leading to a passive lifestyle.
And I sleep all day
Sleeping excessively as a coping mechanism for depression.
But Xanax, Valium, Attavan
Dependency on medication (Xanax, Valium, Attavan) to cope with life.
Makes it all OK
Using medication to numb or escape from reality.
It's so much more
The situation is more complex and profound than seeking attention.
Than a cry for attention
Lack of comfort or healing from external sources.
No loving hands can sooth this ache
No external support can alleviate the speaker's inner pain.
So much more than a war with the world
The struggle goes beyond external conflicts; it's self-inflicted.
It's my own degradation
The speaker is actively participating in their own degradation.
It's my own self hate
Internalized self-hatred as a significant part of the speaker's identity.
I preach my pessimism
The speaker openly expresses pessimism to others.
Right out loud to anyone who'll listen
Publicly sharing negative views on life.
I'm not afraid to be alive
Acknowledging fear of living rather than fear of being alone.
I'm afraid to be alone
Fear of facing inner demons and personal struggles.
Late at night my monsters find me
Nighttime brings inner fears and anxieties to the surface.
From under the bed or out of my past
Past traumas or regrets resurface in moments of solitude.
All alone with nobody to talk to
A sense of loneliness and lack of support during difficult times.
Sanity gets put to the test
Mental stability is tested when faced with solitude.
I close my eyes but I'm still haunted
Despite closing eyes, the speaker is haunted by inner struggles.
Sometimes I get too twisted to sleep
Struggling with internal conflicts that hinder sleep.
As all my world crumbles all around me
Life is falling apart, and the speaker recognizes their own failures.
Inspirations become admissions of defeat
Personal inspirations become admissions of defeat.
Cuz I don't have a mind of my own
Reiteration of the lack of personal autonomy in thoughts.
Everything in my life just thinks for me
External forces continue to dominate the speaker's life decisions.
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