Lyrics
Lately I've been trying find a reason why
The speaker has been attempting to find a reason for recent events or feelings.
Still so young but feel like I've been wasting time
Despite being young, the speaker feels like they've wasted a significant amount of time.
So I had to figure out where I've been wrong
The speaker reflects on past mistakes and tries to identify where they went wrong.
Pointless conversations
Conversations that lack purpose or significance.
Get lost up in translations
These conversations become confusing or misunderstood.
Gone through shit that would make a grown man cry
The speaker has endured difficult experiences that would emotionally affect even an adult.
But I'm way too numb and I just don't know why
Despite these experiences, the speaker feels emotionally detached or desensitized.
So I had to hold it back Instead of feeling all alone
The speaker suppresses their emotions instead of facing them due to feeling isolated.
Been through realizations
Realizations achieved through difficult trials and challenges.
Thru trials and tribulations
Experiences of going through hardships and challenges.
Man fuck all this shit I don't need it
Expressing frustration and rejection of certain negative elements or situations.
Man fuck all this shit I don't need it
-The pain of knowing your friends don't fuck with you truly's a horrible feeling
The pain of realizing that friends are not genuine or true is deeply upsetting.
I opened my eyes in the morning just hoping that it was a mare I was dreaming
Waking up hoping that a distressing situation was just a bad dream.
This shit got me feeling like fleeing wanting to stay but I don't have a reason
Feeling the urge to leave a situation despite the desire to stay due to lacking a reason to stay.
I feel like I'm losing myself
The speaker feels like they are losing their true self, their identity.
I blame it on my mental health
Blaming personal struggles on mental health issues.
I'm crushing this bud put it all in the zoobie it's putting the feelings in stealth
Using substances to suppress emotions or feelings.
But I do not need no help
Declaring self-sufficiency and denying the need for help.
My feelings all up on a shelf
Keeping emotions hidden or inaccessible.
Everyday I wake up and look in the mirror I don't even see myself
Feeling disconnected from oneself when looking in the mirror.
I'm losing control like I'm Russ
Sense of losing control, likened to a figure (Russ) known for his assertiveness.
At this point I do not give a fuck
Not caring anymore about certain things or situations.
And I'm building these walls all around me
Building emotional barriers or defenses for protection.
They're keep me safe like I'm playing on Rust
Comparing emotional walls to the safety measures in a video game (Rust).
I been coping got nothing to say
Handling difficulties without expressing or vocalizing feelings.
What I'm feelings not what I display
Internal emotions don't align with outward expression.
But I swear that I almost broke down
Almost breaking down emotionally in a certain situation.
When she told me it doesn't have to end this way
Someone reassured the speaker that a situation doesn’t have to end negatively.
And I didn't even wanna do this
Not wanting to engage in a particular action or situation.
But she always saying I'm confusing
Others perceive the speaker as confusing or unclear in their actions.
But I had a choice between you and myself
Choosing between oneself and others in a given situation.
And I guess you found out what I'm choosing
The choice made in the previous line becomes evident to someone.
They say Wiked you're moving too ruthless
Being criticized for behaving ruthlessly.
Know it all but I act like I'm clueless
Knowing a lot but pretending to be clueless.
And I know that I'm saying too much its okay
Feeling like sharing too much but finding solace in doing so.
She don't even listen to my music
Someone significant doesn't pay attention to the speaker's artistic expressions (music).
Lately I've been trying to find a reason why
Repeated section from lines 1-10.
Still so young but feel like I've been wasting time
-So I had to figure out where I've been wrong
-Pointless conversations
-Get lost up in translations
-Gone through shit that woulda make a grown man cry
-But I'm way too numb and I just don't know why
-So I had to hold it back Instead of feeling all alone
-Been through realizations
-Thru trials and tribulations
-You know I've been rolling
Reflecting on personal coping mechanisms, feeling betrayed, and expressing resentment towards someone who pretended to be loyal.
Steady I been coping
-I been go through so much that I'm no longer hoping
-At this point I'm toking until the point I'm choking
-And all because I hate this shit and feel my time was stolen
-Thinking bout the shit that I should not have said
-I told her that we could not even be friends
-Said that you would be with me until the end
-You're a fucking liar that was all pretend
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