Lyrics
Ever since I was a kid, I felt the need to forget and forgive
Reflecting on a desire to forget and forgive since childhood.
Silver spoon to my lip, but trying to find where my happiness lived
Despite having a privileged upbringing ("silver spoon"), struggling to find happiness.
And it was okay for a while but worsened with time and I started to trip
Initial acceptance turns worse over time, leading to personal struggles.
I usually keep to myself, but fuck it I'm just gonna tell you a bi-i-it
Opening up about personal issues, breaking the usual tendency to keep things private.
I failed to articulate shit
Difficulty expressing thoughts and emotions.
Like going out make me anxious
Anxiety associated with socializing and going out.
Everyone asking me bout school, I wanna say fuck I hate it
Disliking school, feeling pressured when questioned about it.
Wanna stay home and play sick
Desire to avoid school and play sick, conflicting with parental expectations.
But mom gon tell I'm faking
Acknowledging potential parental skepticism about illness.
Either the clock hand got real slow or I got damn impatient
Perceived time slowing down or impatience, indicating dissatisfaction.
I went to school for an education only learned that we lived in a fucked up nation
Critical view of education, recognizing societal flaws.
Where people get judged for the person they love or the skin color on their faces
Highlighting societal issues related to judgment based on love and skin color.
And there's like a million cases, can't imagine what everyone facing
Acknowledging widespread challenges faced by many.
If this what it's gonna be like for the rest of my life let me off at the next station
Expressing a desire to escape if life continues in this manner.
I'm sitting in class and my heart is racing
Feeling intense anxiety and racing heart in a classroom setting.
I can't breathe I'm in need of some respiration
Struggling to breathe and needing relief.
When you don't feel no purpose in life
Lack of purpose makes goal-setting and finding direction difficult.
You can't set no goals cause there's no destination
A sense of hopelessness due to the absence of a clear destination.
I want them to hear what I'm saying
Desire for others to understand and hear their perspective.
But even with hoping and praying
Despite hoping and praying, recognizing the limitations in effecting change.
I know that I cannot change shit
Acceptance of inability to change certain aspects of life.
And I feel my body decaying
Sensation of physical and mental decay.
Drown out my thoughts with a playlist
Using music to escape and distract from negative thoughts.
Drop my dreams of the A-list, uh
Abandoning dreams of fame and success.
Cause even if I were famous, worry I'd still be aimless, uh
Fearing continued aimlessness even if famous.
Now all that I see is grayness, turn up my color-grade or sum'
Perceiving life in monochrome, considering altering perception.
Somebody come save me I'm held captive in my cranium
Feeling mentally trapped and seeking rescue.
I feel no love, do more drugs, anything to feel a buzz
Experiencing a lack of love, resorting to substance use for a temporary high.
I drop my books for some woods cause I don't really give a fuck
Rejecting conventional responsibilities for momentary pleasure.
And I feel pain I can't explain but tell me who's gon listen up
Feeling pain that is difficult to communicate, questioning if anyone will listen.
I wear long sleeves so you won't see the way I'm slowly giving up
Concealing emotional distress through physical means, such as wearing long sleeves.
And I didn't make it to school today
Failure to attend school on a particular day.
Cause I only got to the parking lot
Reaching only the parking lot, indicating difficulty in going further.
I'm thinking bout taking my
Contemplating self-harm, suggesting a dark state of mind.
At least someone'll get a new parking spot
Dark humor about creating a parking spot through a drastic action.
I used to get sad in the night
Previously experiencing sadness only at night, now feeling it constantly.
Now it's happening whether it's dark or not
Describing an ongoing struggle regardless of the time of day.
I fucking hate my mind, but I don't want my heart to stop
Expressing a strong dislike for one's own mind but not wishing for physical harm.
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