Lyrics
I'm on the edge looking down
I am at a critical point, contemplating a significant decision or realization.
From this distance the figures are blurred on the ground
From this vantage point, details are unclear and indistinct on the ground below.
A sense of shame that I can't quantify
I feel a deep sense of guilt or regret that I cannot precisely measure or define.
I broke every promise, I told every lie
I have broken every commitment and spoken untruths consistently.
I know something is fucked up inside of my mind
I am aware that something is profoundly wrong within my thoughts or emotions.
And I'm not sure I can do better next time
Uncertainty exists about my ability to improve or make better choices in the future.
It's alright, It's ok, You don't have to wait
Reassuring someone that it's acceptable, they don't need to wait for resolution.
I feigned confidence and promised I'd be fine
I pretended to be self-assured and assured others I would be okay.
But what I meant was that I don't like me inside
My true feelings are that I dislike the person I am internally.
So I pretend it's not inherent and doesn't define me
I act as though my negative traits are not inherent and don't define me.
Oh god, I wish that was what I believed
Expressing a desire for a belief that negative traits are not inherent, but acknowledging internal conflict.
It's days like this that I am a shade that I wish that I weren't
On certain days, I feel like a version of myself that I wish did not exist.
Ruminating over things until they hurt
Overthinking and dwelling on thoughts until they become painful.
My mother's praying to Theresa for sure
A reference to someone, possibly a mother, praying for a positive change.
But I'm not sure that there is a cure
Uncertainty about the effectiveness of any potential remedy or solution.
I feigned confidence and promised I'd be fine
Reiteration of pretending to be fine while acknowledging internal dissatisfaction.
But what I meant was that I don't like me inside
Repeating the sentiment of disliking the internal self.
So I pretend it's not inherent and doesn't define me
Continuing to act as if negative traits are not fundamental to one's identity.
Oh god, I wish that was what I believed
Expressing a wish for a genuine belief in the denial of inherent negative qualities.
Even breathing can feel defeating
Even the simple act of breathing feels demoralizing and overwhelming.
With compounding thoughts of loss and no sense of hope
Experiencing persistent thoughts of loss without a sense of hope.
Concentration weaponized
The focus and attention become a tool or weapon, possibly against oneself.
An endless loop of things I can't seem to describe
A continuous cycle of indescribable thoughts that are mentally consuming.
I flipped the tape, I cut the line
Attempting to break free from negative thoughts or patterns, but struggling to do so.
But I can't seem to change the way that I still feel inside
Despite efforts to change, the internal feelings persist.
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