why am i not better
Unveiling the Shadows: Ethan Jewell's Struggle with Inner Demons
Lyrics
How long will this crying alone in my room be artsy
Expressing how long the act of crying alone in the room is perceived as an artistic expression.
Because eventually I'll drown in my tears
Anticipating drowning in tears eventually due to ongoing emotional pain.
And my friends will get tired of the same words spoken by my lying tongue
Expecting friends to become fatigued by consistently hearing the same insincere words from the speaker.
And I'll be left behind
Feeling abandoned or left behind due to struggles.
How long until all of this gets old and I'm actually ready to die
Questioning when the prolonged suffering will cease and a genuine readiness for death will emerge.
And not just saying it to waste the time
Distinguishing between expressing a desire to die as a time-wasting statement versus genuinely feeling ready.
Why am I not better yet
Asking why personal improvement or recovery hasn't occurred yet.
It's been so many years
Reflecting on the passage of numerous years without noticeable improvement.
So many tears
Acknowledging the abundance of tears shed over time.
And I'm forgetting how to sleep
Experiencing difficulty in remembering or practicing regular sleep patterns.
And I'm forgetting how to eat
Struggling with the ability to maintain regular eating habits.
Don't post positive quotes
Discouraging the posting of positive quotes as ineffective in aiding the speaker's situation.
That doesn't help me
Expressing the severity of personal illness and dissatisfaction with offered help.
I'm severely ill and you're not helping
Describing a distorted mental state and feeling unsupported.
My mind is twisted and you're not helping
Noting physical suffering and feeling neglected in addressing it.
My body is bleeding and you're not helping
Rejecting the romanticization of illness for artistic purposes or sympathy.
Because this illness isn't cute
Asserting that the illness isn't something to be glorified for artistic expression.
It's not for writing beautiful poetry
Denying the purpose of the illness for creating beautiful poetry.
It's not for singing pretty chords
Rejecting the notion that the illness serves as inspiration for pleasant music.
It's not for you to be there for me
Rejecting the idea of needing someone's presence for support.
It's not for me to be understood
Rejecting the desire to be understood as a solution to the problem.
This isn't helping
Expressing frustration that none of the mentioned actions or beliefs help the situation.
None of this is helping
Reiterating the lack of effectiveness of the mentioned actions or beliefs.
None of this is helping
Emphasizing the repeated ineffectiveness of the mentioned actions or beliefs.
Why am I not better yet
Repeating the inquiry into why personal improvement or recovery hasn't occurred yet.
It's been so many years
Reiterating the passage of many years without noticeable improvement.
So many tears
Reiterating the abundance of tears shed over time.
And I'm forgetting how to sleep
Reiterating the struggle with maintaining regular sleep patterns.
And I'm forgetting how to eat
Reiterating the struggle with maintaining regular eating habits.
Why am I not better yet
Repeating the query about the absence of personal improvement or recovery.
Why am I not better yet
Repeating the inquiry into why personal improvement or recovery hasn't occurred yet.
Because the clock is ticking fast, and I know that I'll be gone soon
Feeling the urgency of time passing and an impending sense of mortality.
But it's hard to look forward to tomorrow when all of the days are the same
Struggling with finding hope for the future when each day seems monotonous.
Maybe if I take cold showers, it'll help my brain
Contemplating unconventional methods to alleviate mental suffering.
If I go on walks, meditate, I should feel relief
Considering activities like meditation and walking as potential remedies.
But nothing helps
Expressing the frustration that none of the attempted solutions alleviate the suffering.
I'll wake up, a world of grey, lost, ambitionless, empty, wandering, hopeless
Describing waking up to a bleak, uninspired existence filled with loss and despair.
Another day, losing sleep, losing focus
Describing a continuous cycle of losing various aspects of life.
Losing friends, is this the end
Ruminating on the fear of losing friends and wondering if this marks the end of everything.
Why am I not better yet
Repeating the inquiry into why personal improvement or recovery hasn't occurred yet.
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