I've Not Been Doing Too Well
Wilted Reflections: A Struggle Unveiled in Melody
Lyrics
I've started crossing the road with my eyes shut again
I engage in risky behavior, symbolized by crossing the road with closed eyes.
I'll take that as a sign that I'm not doing too well
I interpret this risky behavior as an indication of my poor mental state.
I've started smoking again, trying not to put them out on my arm
I've resumed smoking, attempting to avoid harming myself more severely.
There's already so much smoke in my chest
There's already a significant burden on my chest, represented by emotional turmoil.
And fire in my lungs
I feel intense emotions, depicted as fire within my lungs.
So what's another one?
Adding another challenge or struggle doesn't seem to matter anymore.
I haven't breathed easy for a while now
I've been experiencing difficulty breathing, likely due to emotional distress.
The cold keeps sleeping in
A sense of numbness or coldness persists in my life.
And I'm struggling to keep warm
I struggle to find comfort or solace, even in warm moments.
Even on summer evenings
The struggle persists even during supposedly pleasant times, like summer evenings.
I've not been doing too well
I acknowledge and admit that I am not well.
I've been drinking again, making myself more unwell
I turn to drinking, worsening my condition as a way to cope.
It numbs the pain and helps for a little while
Alcohol serves as a temporary escape, numbing emotional pain briefly.
There's already so much scarring on my liver
There's already damage to my liver, indicating a history of self-destructive behavior.
And pain in my chest
I experience pain within my chest, likely both physical and emotional.
So what's another one?
The idea of adding another source of pain seems inconsequential.
Wishing I'd disappear in this cloud of smoke
I wish to disappear in a metaphorical cloud of smoke, a desire for escape.
That covers my face
This desire is linked to a loss of self-identity when not engaging in destructive behavior.
Because I don't recognise myself when I'm not self-destructing
Self-destructive patterns have become integral to my identity for a long time.
It's all I've known, for so long and happiness has never been a friend of mine
Happiness has been elusive, and self-destructive tendencies have been my default state.
I won't reach out because I'm sick of being a tornado, destroying everyone in my path
I refrain from seeking help, feeling like a destructive force that harms others unintentionally.
I don't mean to but I'm a bomb that's meant to go off
I acknowledge the potential explosive impact I have on those around me.
And everything will be better when it finally does
There's a belief that everything will improve once this destructive phase reaches its culmination.
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